Saturday, January 20, 2007


An open letter to U of A and its constituents


Welcome to December football. It may seem a little odd the first couple of times around, but you'll get used to it. Then again, maybe you won't. Thanks to the WWL, the Pac-10 Conference, and a USC alumni/booster poll, the Devils will be busy on Thanksgiving and won't be able to whip you into the long cold winter per tradition. Instead, we'll be playing USC on national television on Thanksgiving night and you won't see us until December 1. Sorry to break our play date, but there comes a time when you have to trade up. We can get together for the annual assramming the following week if that's alright with you.

We at Arizona State University are sensitive to the emotional stress you may be experiencing, because December football must seem so puzzling to anyone who resides south of Picacho Peak. I'll try to summarize as best as I can. You see, after the regular season ends, the teams with winning records (re: everybody but you) are selected for exhibition games called bowls. There are a plethora to choose from, and you may even remember one called the Copper Bowl that used to be played in Tucson before it got some sense and corporate sponsorship and moved to Phoenix. You may not remember, however, that you have actually played in one of these! Here's what life was like way back then:

* There was a democrat in the oval office
* One could use real silverware on commercial airline flights
* N'Sync and The Backstreet Boys were at the top of the charts
* There were only three Star Wars movies
* Abercrombie and Fitch cargo pants were the hip new thing
* The "war in Iraq" was only used in the past tense
* People still thought The Jerry Springer Show was real
* The idea of the "Y2K bug" had been brought up and we were almost beginning to worry about it
* You had only heard of one guy named George Bush (and you weren't afraid of him)

It sounds crazy, I know, but it'll ok.

As a result of the new scheduling arrangements, we'll have the Territorial Cup at home in Tempe for an extra week this year. Nanny nanny boo boo.


The only bowling going on in Tucson anytime soon.

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