Thursday, June 28, 2007


It's time to party with Turd Ferguson

Yeah, it's a funny name. Funny.

Well folks, life has come calling and I'll be leaving the River City for the final time on Saturday afternoon. I'm relocating the House to Tallahassee, Florida because Richmond just isn't humid enough. I'm not sure when the internet will be up and running at the new digs so I'l be taking a sabbatical from posting for a little while. A few fun facts about Florida's capital and State University:

* Tallahassee is located in the big bend region of Florida and sits 20 miles from Georgia and 15 miles from the Gulf of Mexico.

* FSU alumni include Burt Reynolds, Gabby Reece, and Richard Simmons.

* FSU is the only school in the nation that offers a major in Circus.

* The state capital building looks like a huge cock-n-balls.

If you're in Tally, just look for the tall guy going head to head against Chuck Amato in a wet t-shirt contest. Happy trails, bitches.

Any more than a handful and you just risk spraining a thumb.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007


Regular Old Crackers for the abysmal depths of the offseason

There's actually some Sun Devil news relevant to the big sports, and none of it involves the police! Kinda makes me feel like riverdancing.

* There was an expose in Sunday's East Valley Tribune regarding major structural needs at Sun Devil Stadium. Long story short, engineers didn't see the need to waterproof a stadium in the desert but they hadn't thought of soda, beer, the mini-bottles we used to sneak into the student section, the subsequent vomit, or the water used to hose all of it off. As a result, structural steel beams have rusted out and concrete is beginning to show severe stress cracks. I guess the bathroom and concession stand remodeling will have to wait, since there has never been any money in the budget for those either.

Oh I'm stressed!

* Herb Sendek and the basketball coaching staff are keeping up with the filthy, slimy Joneses of the CBK world by offering scholarships to 14 year-old Nick Johnson and 15 year-old Matt Carlino, both from Gilbert(AZ) Highland High School. While I can't say I approve, it's probably better for the kids involved if Herb gets there before Lute.

Lute Olson is already scouting the class of 2026. That fucker will never die.

* ASU football received two verbal committments for the 2008 recruiting class, landing a highly touted corner from Vegas (thank freaking GOD) and a defensive lineman from Chandler. Good to see we're addressing immediate needs, but let's be honest- aren't they all "highly touted" when they're still in high school?

* And finally, check out the high-larious U of A haiku thread at Devil's Digest. A sampling from RBKDevil, if you will:

Moral victory
Six and six season again
Time for basketball.

Sheer brilliance!

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Friday, June 22, 2007


Your Alumni vs. Our Alumni

We've played this game before with the likes of OJ Simpson vs. Pat Tillman and Geraldo Rivera vs. Al Michaels, but these two are random guys off the street that I had never heard of until this morning. The first comes from some rough streets, namely those of Afghanistan:

It could be worse, at least that's not Sentinel peak in the background.

The handsome man in the above picture is a buddy of UAHater, one of my favorite message board personalities. The second entry comes from an MSN Money article. To wit:
Mark Williams, who holds a degree in archaeology from the University of Arizona, is a cook at a nearby Denny's (DENN, news, msgs). After entering the CNBC contest, he didn't make it out of the contest's 10-week first round.
Keep reaching for the stars, Wilbur.

* Speaking of alumni, I'll be in the Nation's Capital this weekend and I'm hoping to take in Sunday morning's soccer match between the local ASU and UA alumni associations. Kick some ass Sparky!

* And on a final note, I haven't laughed this hard in quite some time.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

If you're one of the two tHOH readers that don't frequent the Devil's Digest/Cactus Ranch Message Boards, every offseason there is a time-honored tradition of pointing the inadequacies of the Sun Devil football uniforms. Here's how this works: 1) somebody suggests changing the layout, 2) a bunch of people jump all over the first guy because that's just ludicrious, 3) another bunch of people point out that our gold pants do not match our gold helmets, 4) some UA fan throws out a shitty remark about the superiority of all things red and blue, and 5) everyone comes out of the woodwork to throw their two cents into the ring. Myself being no exception, especially since the football season in the sky is as about as far into the southern hemisphere as it gets right now, here's my take on the problems/solutions.

Because posting this picture never gets old.

I like the maroon pants better than the gold ones for the road unis. To each their own, but I think the attachment to these uniforms comes from a longing for the success of the 1996 season (see above photo). The last time ASU donned the maroon pants was the rivalry game in 2001 where ASU was defeated by a John Mackovic-led *gasp!* Arizona team that ended in a midfield brawl. The great thing about the dark pants is that no one can bring up the second arguement, which is constantly griped about but never solved.

The gold in the helmets is different than the gold in the pants. This is absolutely true, and has been so for at least 10 years, probably a lot longer. The helmets haven't changed since I arrived in Tempe in 1997, but the shirts and pants have changed from Champion to Adidas to the disastrous 2003 experiment(see below) to Nike. My guess is that the helmet consistency comes down from administrative/alumni blowhards that love it and will not see it changed for any reason, and I agree to a point. The two issues at hand are making the uniform trim "pop" and being able to match the colors on different media/materials. I love the bright gold that you find on the jersey trim along with the student section t-shirts and if they were made to match the helmets they would appear to be a shit-mustard yellow of which no one would approve; we'd probably even lose recruits over it. At the same time, the helmets really are perfect, so why mess with them? The pants are made of stretchy lycra stuff that has a glittery effect and thus doesn't hold color as consistently as plastic or cotton. The stretch factor also comes into play with the pants since they become more translucent as they are stretched further. Derek Hagan wore pants tight enough to go clubbing in Ibiza, and it affected their appearance. I only know because you could see his jock strap from behind, not that I was looking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What to do here? Hell, I don't know. Wash 'em until they match.

It's ok to look.

What about putting the interlocking A-S/a pitchfork/the sunburst logo on the helmet? Get the fuck outta my face with that shit. Sparky is teh hottness, and should be treated accordingly.

We should change to a natural gold a la BC/Florida State/Navy. No, we shouldn't. If you think we have problems with our gold consistency now, try making t-shirts that look like glittering gold. Wake Forest students looked khaki until they switched to tie-dye, and I'm pretty sure that's why the Notre Dame student section wears green. We're also not switching the gold to copper due to its historical relevance as one of Arizona's chief exports.

What about making an alternate gold jersey, like Notre Dame has the green ones? I have unsuccessfully searched far and wide (on the internet) for photos but Sun Devil legend says that we actually tried this once. It was a game against UA and something worthwhile was on the line for ASU- bowl berth, conference title, something like that. The team warmed up in maroon jersies and gold pants, went into the locker room for a pep talk, and charged on to the field wearing a gold/gold combination. We lost that day, they were forever labeled as the banana uniforms, and they haven't been seen since. The maroon/maroon combination was successfully used against UA in 1999, but after the aforementioned loss and subsequent brawl of 2001 they were also retired.

What about modernizing them by adding piping, sabres, black trim, etc? We tried that once and it was a shitstorm. Stick your click-clack where the sun don't shine. I mean, you've seen Oregon play in the last few years, right?

One thing we all agree on: 2003 was totally fucked up.

The whole concept is mindless drivel to get us through the long, hot summer until the season arrives. The concept of changing our uniforms reaches another depth of mindlessness since Sparky leads the nation's mascots in badassery and our color scheme is unique (don't tell anyone from Minnesota) withot being weird(re: Oregon). Remember folks, no offseason news is good offseason news when Dennis Erickson is your coach.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007


...and now I've seen it all

How does this asshat have his own action figure and I don't?

The husky "pardner" in the tweed jacket is none other than the most hated announcer this side of Pam Ward, one Brent Musburger. I'm simply mystified- not only because MGM waited 27 years to release action figures for a sequel, not just because his pecs are disproportionately large(you know he wrote that shit into the contract), but because a team of marketing monkeys being paid much better than I actually thought kids would want to play with an announcer doll. Not just any announcer mind you, but the one that fought Jimmy the Greek and got a public consumption ticket in Lincoln, Nebraska. Hmmm, on second thought maybe he does need an action figure, but I'm still waiting on the Jack Arute doll. It'll be a dandy of a foootrace to the store when those come out, my friend. I mean pardner. John Saunders in the Dr. Pepper Studio. Jackaroo!

If you didn't catch that last rant, start reading up on the Brent Musburger Drinking Game and we'll get together in late August. For now I'll be busy ignoring the fact that ASU got their doors blown off against Oregon State in the College World Series. Better luck tonight!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


CWS Brackets

This is your team.
A few quick thoughts on the 2007 College World Series that begins on Saturday for ASU.

* The Sun Devils are the third highest national seed remaining in the field, following #2 Rice and #3 North Carolina.

* Here's a good snapshot of each of the participants.

* The brackets are up, but difficult to follow due to the double-elimination thing. Perennial bracket dream killer Cal State Fullerton looms large for ASU in the second round, assuming they can get past defending national champs Oregon State.

* ASU (48-13) opens up on Saturday against the UC-Irvine Anteaters (45-15-1) at 11 am AZ time. Freshman RHP Mike Leake will make the start on the mound for the Devils.

* AZ Central and The Trib will have more info on the team than I will be able to offer, especially since I haven't even seen ASU play this year thanks to those regional pigdogs at espn. Here in Virginia, I had to watch the N. Carolina/S. Carolina doubleheader on Sunday instead of the originally scheduled ASU/Ole Miss clincher.

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Monday, June 11, 2007


Going Back To Omaha

Say hello to Sam Keller for me.

The Sun Devil baseball squad cruised through the NCAA playoffs going undefeated in Regional and Super Regional play, most recently topping Ole Miss 7-1 to clinch a berth in next week's College World Series. For those unaware, "playoffs" are a high-tech method for determining the league champion, and many find it a better system than letting writers and computers vote for it. This will be ASU's 20th appearance in the CWS.

Five of the top eight national seeds have already been eliminated from CWS contention, theoretically clearing the path for ASU's sixth National Championship. Other teams making travel plans to Omaha are Cal State Fullerton, UC Irvine, Rice, Louisville, Mississippi State, and North Carolina. The eighth team to be selected is the winner of the Michigan/Oregon State series which the Beavers lead 1-0. The Beavers, whom ASU owns this season, were last year's CWS Champs.

* Congrats are in order for the Sun Devil ladies track team, who brought home the NC. Bravo to you all.
Where's your SEC speed now?

* And finally, reason # 11,847 that ASU is better than U of A: Chris McAlister vs. Jason Simmons. ASU alum Simmons seized a similar opportunity to donate to a worthwhile charity and Wildcat McAlister, well, just check the quote from

"Willis McGahee was sitting outside the Baltimore Ravens' locker room Thursday
when cornerback Chris McAlister walked by, rubbing his fingers together - the
universal sign used to ask for money.

McAlister was offering to sell McGahee jersey No. 21, which the running back wore during his turbulent tenure with the Buffalo Bills."


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