The House Of Heat

If you're one of the two tHOH readers that don't frequent the Devil's Digest/Cactus Ranch Message Boards, every offseason there is a time-honored tradition of pointing the inadequacies of the Sun Devil football uniforms. Here's how this works: 1) somebody suggests changing the layout, 2) a bunch of people jump all over the first guy because that's just ludicrious, 3) another bunch of people point out that our gold pants do not match our gold helmets, 4) some UA fan throws out a shitty remark about the superiority of all things red and blue, and 5) everyone comes out of the woodwork to throw their two cents into the ring. Myself being no exception, especially since the football season in the sky is as about as far into the southern hemisphere as it gets right now, here's my take on the problems/solutions.

Because posting this picture never gets old.

I like the maroon pants better than the gold ones for the road unis. To each their own, but I think the attachment to these uniforms comes from a longing for the success of the 1996 season (see above photo). The last time ASU donned the maroon pants was the rivalry game in 2001 where ASU was defeated by a John Mackovic-led *gasp!* Arizona team that ended in a midfield brawl. The great thing about the dark pants is that no one can bring up the second arguement, which is constantly griped about but never solved.

The gold in the helmets is different than the gold in the pants. This is absolutely true, and has been so for at least 10 years, probably a lot longer. The helmets haven't changed since I arrived in Tempe in 1997, but the shirts and pants have changed from Champion to Adidas to the disastrous 2003 experiment(see below) to Nike. My guess is that the helmet consistency comes down from administrative/alumni blowhards that love it and will not see it changed for any reason, and I agree to a point. The two issues at hand are making the uniform trim "pop" and being able to match the colors on different media/materials. I love the bright gold that you find on the jersey trim along with the student section t-shirts and if they were made to match the helmets they would appear to be a shit-mustard yellow of which no one would approve; we'd probably even lose recruits over it. At the same time, the helmets really are perfect, so why mess with them? The pants are made of stretchy lycra stuff that has a glittery effect and thus doesn't hold color as consistently as plastic or cotton. The stretch factor also comes into play with the pants since they become more translucent as they are stretched further. Derek Hagan wore pants tight enough to go clubbing in Ibiza, and it affected their appearance. I only know because you could see his jock strap from behind, not that I was looking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What to do here? Hell, I don't know. Wash 'em until they match.

It's ok to look.

What about putting the interlocking A-S/a pitchfork/the sunburst logo on the helmet? Get the fuck outta my face with that shit. Sparky is teh hottness, and should be treated accordingly.

We should change to a natural gold a la BC/Florida State/Navy. No, we shouldn't. If you think we have problems with our gold consistency now, try making t-shirts that look like glittering gold. Wake Forest students looked khaki until they switched to tie-dye, and I'm pretty sure that's why the Notre Dame student section wears green. We're also not switching the gold to copper due to its historical relevance as one of Arizona's chief exports.

What about making an alternate gold jersey, like Notre Dame has the green ones? I have unsuccessfully searched far and wide (on the internet) for photos but Sun Devil legend says that we actually tried this once. It was a game against UA and something worthwhile was on the line for ASU- bowl berth, conference title, something like that. The team warmed up in maroon jersies and gold pants, went into the locker room for a pep talk, and charged on to the field wearing a gold/gold combination. We lost that day, they were forever labeled as the banana uniforms, and they haven't been seen since. The maroon/maroon combination was successfully used against UA in 1999, but after the aforementioned loss and subsequent brawl of 2001 they were also retired.



What about modernizing them by adding piping, sabres, black trim, etc? We tried that once and it was a shitstorm. Stick your click-clack where the sun don't shine. I mean, you've seen Oregon play in the last few years, right?

One thing we all agree on: 2003 was totally fucked up.

The whole concept is mindless drivel to get us through the long, hot summer until the season arrives. The concept of changing our uniforms reaches another depth of mindlessness since Sparky leads the nation's mascots in badassery and our color scheme is unique (don't tell anyone from Minnesota) withot being weird(re: Oregon). Remember folks, no offseason news is good offseason news when Dennis Erickson is your coach.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, Greatest Fark Evah, message board nonsense, the offseason sucks