The House Of Heat

The following .pdf document was discovered by Devils Digest moderator Big E. It was apparently sent out to all wildcat fans following the Sun Devil basketball sweep that concluded on Sunday. It seems that their fallback rally cry of "wait 'til basketball season!" has grown stale and they don't even have the promise of football recruiting to look forward to any longer.

This Sun Devil dominance has left many cat fans clueless and unprepared (just like their degrees do- Zing!) for encounters with Sun Devil fans who have been basking in the glory of their recent success. Apparently Arizona Athletic Director Jim Livengood felt they should all be on the same page.

The findings:

Labels: all these pictures and videos are givingme a seizure, message board nonsense, rivalry rants, UA morons

Arizona State University: Makin' it rain on dem wildcat hoes since 1885.

In light of getting swept by the Sun Devils in their beloved cash cow men's basketball, one would think this would be a good week for the University of Arizona to lie low and wait it out until softball season starts, but leave it to our good friend Jeff Metcalfe to pile it on when some piling needs doing. Metcalfe, the ASU beat writer for the Arizona Republic, has been the only Republic journalist that has treated ASU like a hometown team as long as I've been reading it (about a decade) and today may be his finest hour. We'll get to Jeff in a moment.

In a story that should have already died (thanks internet!), Mike Stoops used part of his signing day press conference to badmouth the recruits that originally pledged committments to UA but later switched to ASU. He also made sure to include a potshot about rival Arizona State and their academics, stating the following:

"Obviously Arizona State has turned into a JC, and we're a four-year college. According to all the players, they say it is easier to go to school there, easier to get in. I thought we had the same requirements."

Wow. I've had a number of thoughts regarding the situation since it came out last Wednesday.

1. The academic requirements are identical at ASU, UA and NAU, as set forth by the Arizona Board of Regents.
This is true! There was such a large request for information after this story broke that the University posted two academic FYI articles on the official athletics website.

2. Every other team in the country is talking about the players they signed, how bad are yours that you're discussing the ones you lost?
Not great but it could have been worse. Stoops signed the top DB in the west in Robert Golden, but the overall class was ranked 39th by Rivals, 39th by Scout, and 32nd by espn. A 36.6 average out of 119 D1 teams sounds pretty good, but 36.6 out of the 66 BCS teams comes off as pretty meh, ranging somewhere near the 45th percentile. In a day based on potential where everyone wins, somehow Arizona loses.

3. Dennis Erickson fucking owns you.
Also true! Stoops got one of the top 18 recruits in the State of Arizona while Erickson got six. Also, DE is 1-0 against Stoops lifetime, and while one doesn't usually make a trend, you know it's a trend. By the way, ASU's recruiting class landed a ranking average of 20, good enough for the 70th percentile.

4. Koetter never even pulled any shit like this, you buffoon.
He hated the media, and the media hated him back. If Koetter had done something this stupid, you would have known about it. This means one very important thing: Koetter loses the "horse's ass" moniker, for Lord Stoops has rightfully claimed it as his own!
At least Stoops didn't punt during the presser.

5. I bet those UA nutjobs will rally around him again, using JuCo! as a battle cry for years to come.
Example A. Example B, they chanted "J-C! J-C! J-C!" during Sunday's loss to ASU in hoops. Case closed.

6. What kind of a message does this send to Stoops' commits? Should they not be the star of the show?
The verdict's still out on this one since Tucson isn't exactly a hub of information or unbiased journalism.

7. What kind of a message does this send to the three players that switched commitments?
Which brings us to today's article by Jeff Metcalfe. I would make the entire thing my smartass subtitle at the top of the page, but Blogger has a character limit. Metcalfe took the time to interview RB Ryan Bass, WR Gerrell Robinson, and WR Jarell Barbour- the three big name recruits that spurned UA for ASU- to find out what they thought. Bring on the quotes! (emphasis mine)

Barbour said ASU associate athletic director Jean Boyd, is the "main reason why I'm there." Boyd directs ASU's academic support for football and other sports. "He sat me down and said this is what you need to do to be eligible to play football," said Barbour, who feels his comments were misused by Stoops.

"He put my business out in the open. It was cruel. I didn't want to go there because their football team is horrible. They stunk it up bad. I didn't want to be a part of it. I want to be on a good football team that's going to go places."

Running back Ryan Bass of Corona (Calif.) Centennial also was expressed disappointment in Stoops: "I felt he was out of bounds with his comments. I hope he didn't make those comments because I switched to Arizona State. Everyone knows it's the same to get in. It didn't sit too well with me. I'm glad he (Stoops) apologized."

"I've worked too hard these past four years to say I have grade issues," said Robinson, who has a 3.0 grade-point average and 1490 SAT score that are good enough for admission to Notre Dame. "We all have reasons why we decommitted and why we committed in the beginning. We're 17- and 18-year-old kids. He's a grown man. You'd expect him to take the high road. If anything, you'd expect one of the three of us to say something like that, not the grown man in the situation.

"ASU has done nothing but help get Jarrell and Ryan on the right track. I don't think Arizona was adamant about doing that at all. I was there 15-20 times myself and never once saw anything about academics. It was poor judgment on my part (to initially commit to UA). ASU on junior day showed us around to all the educational categories they have."

Barbour also is more than ready for his first Territorial Cup.

"I can't remember the last time Arizona beat Arizona State," he said. "We're going to take it out on the field, and it's not going to be pretty. It'll be the best game of my life, I promise that."

A note to Mr. Stoops: when you're in a hole, step #1 is to stop digging. Please cease and desist any and all digging immediately. We at ASU would like to see nothing more than a lengthy contract extension for you.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, dirty icky recruiting, hoops, message board nonsense, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the offseason sucks, UA morons, you have to see this

Is it dead? Damn skippy. The Sun Devils played true team basketball today to drop the Cats for the second time this season, sweeping UA on the season and winning at McKale for the first time since 1995. James Harden was limited by a flu virus and was held out of practice for most of the week, but he was able to play a majority of the game, doing all of the little things that are usually overshadowed by his scoring touch. Three steals, five rebounds (two on offense), and plenty of hustle on defense made him a factor even if he wasn't the factor. That honor belongs to Jeff Pendergraph, who dropped an ungodly 29 points on the Cats.

Pendergraph's offensive explosion didn't happen all by itself, as the Sun Devil team played in the spirit of Norman Dale's Hickory team in Hoosiers- "five pistons firing as a unit." Soph PG Derek Glasser played like a fifth-year senior, a floor general whizzing passes that even the ASU players couldn't see coming at times. I think a large fraction of Sun Devil fans let out a collective "oh crap here we go again" when Glasser fouled out (on a bullshit charge call oh by the way) with 3:33 remaining. Jamelle McMillan filled in nicely for Glasser however, sinking a driving scoop shot and sustaining the lead without turning the ball over in the waning moments of Sunday's victory. Ty Abbott and Jerren Shipp still don't seem to have the outside shooting touch many of us were expecting this season, but they ran through the offense with precise cuts and sharp passes while refusing to yield on the defensive end, holding Chase Budinger to a whopping FOUR points.

Arizona State's matchup zone was unbelievable, doing exactly what it's designed to do: reduce a team to five individuals. Jordan Hill, a monster on both ends in the first matchup in Tempe, wasn't able to get involved in UA's offensive scheme, but then again neither was anyone not named Jerryd Bayless. And seriously, Jerryd with a "Y"? maybe his pops was a big Jackyl fan in the 1980's. Oh happy day, look who's playing Tucson on May 10, because you can't make stuff like this up. Wow, what a day this has been! Getting back on track, the non-Bayless wildcats totaled a meager 15 points on the day.

Regarding Harden's flu bug, it may have helped the team's outlook on playing in such a challenging environment. During the recently ended five game losing streak and especially against USC, the offense was doing a lot of standing around, as though they were waiting for Harden to make a play. The entire gameplan appeared to be geared to get James the ball on the right wing and let him dribble-drive down the lane. Knowing he wouldn't be up to carrying the load today, the Sendek offense played it's best 40 minute stretch I've seen since his arrival in Tempe, getting the ball to all five players on a consistent basis. There were lob passes, down screening, and back door cuts that, when utilized in combination with one another, appear to be a pick-your-poison predicament for opposing defenses. If this team keeps this level of play up and then starts hitting threes, look the fuck out.

How sweep it is!

Up next for this new basketball sport is #9 Stanford, who the Devils led by ten in the first half on the road before succumbing to the Cardinal and losing by double digits. That game was a microcosm for this season in Sun Devil basketball. The offense was fluid in the first half and ran through Pendergraph in the high post, making the Lopez twins virtual non factors by attacking the basket from every spot on the court. As soon as Jeff got into foul trouble and off the floor the ASU offense was reduced to the James Harden solo act, which got outscored by 20 in the second half. These are the joys of having three true freshmen in the starting lineup, though: they are nothing if not inconsistent. Let's not thrust these Sun Devils into a postseason selection just yet; at some point in the near future they will play far worse than they did today, but hopefully for very short stretches.

A fun fact brought up by Hode over at Devil's Digest: Since the start of the 2007-2008 athletics season, ASU is undefeated against UA, including the following:

Two wins in basketball
Two wins in Women's basketball
One win in soccer
One (another) win in football

How do I bitchslap thee, let me count the ways. It's a great time to be a Sun Devil.

Labels: hoops, message board nonsense, movie references, rivalry rants

Hey man, wanna go to a party tonight?
Coup!
I heard there'll be babes there.
Coup d'etat!

The Tucson spin machine is going apeshit tonight after wide receiver/defensive back recruit Jarrell Barbour decommitted from Arizona's 2008 recruiting class and committed to ASU. Barbour hails from Peoria (AZ) Centennial High School, the same school that produced fellow 2008 Sun Devil commit Zach Schlink. The wildcat faithful are now denouncing their once prized signee, saying that 1) he's not that good anyway, 2) he wouldn't have even gotten in to UA. Barbour is that good, having also received scholarship offers from Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Michigan, but he apparently is somewhat of an academic risk.

Barbour cited ASU's academics one of the biggest reasons for the switcheroo, noting that Sparky had a better plan for getting him into school. The UA community is flipping the fuck out right now and they fully believe this is the elusive yet concrete proof that UA is a better academic institution than ASU, even though the two schools have identical admission requirements handed down from the Arizona Board of Regents. I'd like to submit into evidence this quote from someone on Devils Digest who claims to have been CB Omar Bolden's academic advisor before he was admitted to ASU.

Dennis Erickson and company have got the very best academic people in the world at ASU. I was Omar's academic advisor last year and when ASU got involved with Omar he had a 1.85 gpa and a 710 test score. However, we had a plan and were taking classes at two (2) Southern California JC's. When we presented it to the ASU people they immediately (within hours) gave us a green light and some contingency advice. At that point, Omar had the offer from ASU and the ball was rolling. Furthermore, we presented the same plan to USC and they continuously balked at jumping the broom with the kid. Same thing with the UW. I, as an academic advisor to at-risk kids, will never send a kid to UW if he is being recruited by Trent Miles.

Bolden, you may remember, was also an academic risk.

ASU has been recognized as having one of the top academic support systems in the Scholar Baller program, which was designed to reward student-athletes who make good grades and spend extra time studying. Arizona on the other hand ranks at or near the bottom of most academic categories, and not just in the Pac-10 either. They have lost four football scholarships due to poor APR scores, the most of any school in the BCS. APR measures things like grades, graduation rates, etc. and penalizes schools that are not cutting it in the classroom. But you know they, like have a medical school or something, so like we're supposed to be, like, totally in awe of them or something. The story is ludicrous.

The term to note here is ASU's plan. While ASU has the Scholar Baller program, Arizona has hired 40 new tutors (bringing the total to 70) for their football program, but where is their organization and the incentive for their athletes to participate? When Erickson agreed to be the coach of the Sun Devils, many haters were quick to point out that during his tenure as head coach at the University of Miami players were prone to taking the field without making the required grades. He rebutted this criticism by pointing out that the rules at Da U allowed for a player to do so while his case was on appeal and that the academic programs, requirements, and procedures at ASU would not allow such a thing.

It sounds to me that these systems truly are in place in Tempe, and that the coaches are using them on the recruiting trail. This can only lead to the recruitment of a higher caliber person to Tempe, and we got that going for us, which is nice.

Even head groundskeeper Carl Spackler could get a 2.0 with ASU's academic support systems.

*Note: Big E wrote all of this much better than I did and you can read it here.

Labels: dirty icky recruiting, message board nonsense, movie references, the new era, UA morons

John Mackovic, professor emeritus.

Former University of Arizona head football coach John Mackovic will be leading a team of college football players to represent these United States in the 2007 American Football World Cup. Players will be taken from Divisions I, II, and III, including UA quarterback Adam Austin.

The roster is full of names you've never heard from schools you haven't heard of including Hobart, Morningside, and Virginia Tech. (too soon? -ed.) In the offensive overview, the career highlight mentioned with Austin is that he "was a part-time starter for the Wildcats during his career, leading the team to a victory over Stanford last season." Stanford, wow. Congratulations Adam, you have something in common with 92% the Cardinal's opponents.

I'd like to think that I was creative enough to come up with something like this, but it's real. For that sort of creativity in a college football blog, check out the Hayley LaFontaine story at EDSBS. I did a double check just to make sure this isn't an Onion-style article, but if it is a ruse then the authors were thorough enough to create a Team USA website with pictures and everything. Fear not fellow Americans, as S. Korea was defeated 77-0 on Tuesday and Team USA advances to face Germany on Saturday. Austin didn't perform well enough to get his name in the paper, but Macko's probably saving him for the Germans and their stout D. Mmmmm, German stout. I'm off to Leon Pub.

For extra summer reading, Sun Devil Pat ranked ASU's bowl victories on Cactus Ranch. It's not much, but it's something to distract you from behemoth recruit Po'u Palelei not qualifying academically. Remember folks, no offseason news is good offseason news when Dennis Erickson is your coach.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, blog links, message board nonsense, UA morons

Labels: dirty icky recruiting, hoops, I miss college, message board nonsense, movie references, regular old crackers

If you're one of the two tHOH readers that don't frequent the Devil's Digest/Cactus Ranch Message Boards, every offseason there is a time-honored tradition of pointing the inadequacies of the Sun Devil football uniforms. Here's how this works: 1) somebody suggests changing the layout, 2) a bunch of people jump all over the first guy because that's just ludicrious, 3) another bunch of people point out that our gold pants do not match our gold helmets, 4) some UA fan throws out a shitty remark about the superiority of all things red and blue, and 5) everyone comes out of the woodwork to throw their two cents into the ring. Myself being no exception, especially since the football season in the sky is as about as far into the southern hemisphere as it gets right now, here's my take on the problems/solutions.

Because posting this picture never gets old.

I like the maroon pants better than the gold ones for the road unis. To each their own, but I think the attachment to these uniforms comes from a longing for the success of the 1996 season (see above photo). The last time ASU donned the maroon pants was the rivalry game in 2001 where ASU was defeated by a John Mackovic-led *gasp!* Arizona team that ended in a midfield brawl. The great thing about the dark pants is that no one can bring up the second arguement, which is constantly griped about but never solved.

The gold in the helmets is different than the gold in the pants. This is absolutely true, and has been so for at least 10 years, probably a lot longer. The helmets haven't changed since I arrived in Tempe in 1997, but the shirts and pants have changed from Champion to Adidas to the disastrous 2003 experiment(see below) to Nike. My guess is that the helmet consistency comes down from administrative/alumni blowhards that love it and will not see it changed for any reason, and I agree to a point. The two issues at hand are making the uniform trim "pop" and being able to match the colors on different media/materials. I love the bright gold that you find on the jersey trim along with the student section t-shirts and if they were made to match the helmets they would appear to be a shit-mustard yellow of which no one would approve; we'd probably even lose recruits over it. At the same time, the helmets really are perfect, so why mess with them? The pants are made of stretchy lycra stuff that has a glittery effect and thus doesn't hold color as consistently as plastic or cotton. The stretch factor also comes into play with the pants since they become more translucent as they are stretched further. Derek Hagan wore pants tight enough to go clubbing in Ibiza, and it affected their appearance. I only know because you could see his jock strap from behind, not that I was looking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What to do here? Hell, I don't know. Wash 'em until they match.

It's ok to look.

What about putting the interlocking A-S/a pitchfork/the sunburst logo on the helmet? Get the fuck outta my face with that shit. Sparky is teh hottness, and should be treated accordingly.

We should change to a natural gold a la BC/Florida State/Navy. No, we shouldn't. If you think we have problems with our gold consistency now, try making t-shirts that look like glittering gold. Wake Forest students looked khaki until they switched to tie-dye, and I'm pretty sure that's why the Notre Dame student section wears green. We're also not switching the gold to copper due to its historical relevance as one of Arizona's chief exports.

What about making an alternate gold jersey, like Notre Dame has the green ones? I have unsuccessfully searched far and wide (on the internet) for photos but Sun Devil legend says that we actually tried this once. It was a game against UA and something worthwhile was on the line for ASU- bowl berth, conference title, something like that. The team warmed up in maroon jersies and gold pants, went into the locker room for a pep talk, and charged on to the field wearing a gold/gold combination. We lost that day, they were forever labeled as the banana uniforms, and they haven't been seen since. The maroon/maroon combination was successfully used against UA in 1999, but after the aforementioned loss and subsequent brawl of 2001 they were also retired.



What about modernizing them by adding piping, sabres, black trim, etc? We tried that once and it was a shitstorm. Stick your click-clack where the sun don't shine. I mean, you've seen Oregon play in the last few years, right?

One thing we all agree on: 2003 was totally fucked up.

The whole concept is mindless drivel to get us through the long, hot summer until the season arrives. The concept of changing our uniforms reaches another depth of mindlessness since Sparky leads the nation's mascots in badassery and our color scheme is unique (don't tell anyone from Minnesota) withot being weird(re: Oregon). Remember folks, no offseason news is good offseason news when Dennis Erickson is your coach.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, Greatest Fark Evah, message board nonsense, the offseason sucks

Bowl game? I would have rather not went, if the Cats would be embarassed by the "Rainbows".

You can only imagine which camp spewed this nonsense. A lot of chest-thumping coming from someone that hasn't seen a bowl game since the Clinton administration. Read the entire pissing match on "the gap" between ASU and UA at this ridiculous message board link.

EDIT: Boy oh boy does this ever chap my ass. Here's the Scout.com member profile for that mongoloid.

Labels: message board nonsense, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the offseason sucks, UA morons

With my man crush on Sam Keller in full force after Rudy Carpenter opened his big mouth, it's good to see Sam the Man in the news. If you're desperate enough for football content to come to my typo-ridden corner of the blogosphere, you probably already know that my boy SK was cited for disturbing the peace yesterday in Lincoln.

Yeah. It's pretty hard to joke about this one since the actual incident is so ridiculous, but the hits keep a comin' from the net. EDSBS' post fefatures the video for "Move" by Ludacris, but my fave so far is from Cactus Rancher "Sun Devil 916" with this gem of a zinger (mmm...donuts):

He had won the parking spot first, only to have it given to someone else later. No word yet on if he will be transferring parking lots after the incident.

Someone pointed out how feasible this really is when you look at ASU's parking prices for the upcoming academic years, but the kicker of the entire incident is that the magic bullet of a cup is already on ebay. Yay Capitalism!

So yeah, it's a short story and there's nothing much else going on...what the hell. How about a pic of proud ASU alum Victoria Thornton!

Go Devils!

Labels: ASU alumni, I miss college, message board nonsense, regular old crackers, Shut up Carp, we're sorry Sam Keller

Greatest fark Evahhh!!!!!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, blog links, Greatest Fark Evah, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

I have a review of this year's recruiting class in the works, but there has been a lot more real life than usual and thus it's not finished, but I'll be sure to post it when I have some real time. In it's absence, here's a link to a fantastic off-season thread on the Devil's Digest Message Boards. Without football, this is what we turn to. The first six posts constitute a typical, run-of-the-mill off-season thread- no football and lots of sarcasm. The seventh will blow your fucking mind.

Quite frankly I'm speechless- all I can say is that I wish I had friends like that. Be sure to nominate it for post of the day.

Labels: I'm a big fatass, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

Since the last marketing effort blew up in everyone's faces, who not do something that will once again have the entire blogosphere giggling? Apparently the ASU athletic department is selling Sun Devil football door to door now, as today EDSBS posted a picture of the new ASU football door hanger. Orson and Stranko somehow broke this story without anyone at ASU seeing or hearing about it, and I'm still in disbelief at what I saw.

In an effort to beat the dead horse that is the Sun Devil Laws, ordinance #139 states that "it's time for the next level." Thank freaking God, because seven and something records are soooooo last year. The hanger has a picture of Coach E, National Championship ring prominently displayed, with the upper deck of Sun Devil Stadium (next level eh! Get it?) in the background pasted above a smattering of data regarding the upcoming season's home slate and the corresponding sales information. Not to be outdone by the whores on Van Buren, the back side features three "valuable coupons" including (are you ready for this?) buy one get one free tickets for baseball, men's basketball, and, as if that weren't enough, $2 softball tickets. Woo fucking hoo. You can’t give ASU men’s basketball tickets away, not even to orphans with diseases. They have enough problems already.

Please please God, let these hangers go no further than the doorknobs of the dorm rooms. This seems like an extraordinary waste of resources after the "Laws" billboards netted an average of almost 6,600 fewer butts per game. Is Lisa Love really planning on putting one of these on the door of each of the million plus households in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area? I realize that the drop in attendance can be attributed to a better home schedule in 2005 that included the benefit of hosting the rivalry game and I appreciate that the athletic department is trying to get the community involved in Sun Devil athletics, but I prefer a more organic, holistic approach. My suggestion? Just win, baby. Hiring Coach Erickson was a good step in that direction.

Here is a link to a Devils Digest thread that will have you as giddy as I am about the upcoming season. It seems that this Carter fellow has a class or two with some ASU football players and has been asking them about the coaching transition, noting the differences between Koetter and Erickson. Here’s a dandy of a quote:

Lastly I asked what do they expect for training:

This was my favorite... They said " Man, we've already been training harder than Koetter ever had us train, he has us in the gym EVERY day!! I'm lifting weights like I've never lifted before!"

Hells yeah.

Labels: blog links, I'm witty, message board nonsense, surrounded by morons, the new era

Poor Kid.

LINK (HT: Dabo)

Labels: message board nonsense, regular old crackers, rivalry rants

I received a rather disturbing email from a Bruin fan who started DumpDorrell.com, a feverishly angry site dedicated to firing UCLA's coach, despite posting a TEN WIN SEASON last year. And you thought I took it bad when we lost to U of A... sheesh. DD is caling this the "'Ass in the Ice Bucket' Fire Bowl," an appropriate title considering the loser may be surfing monster.com by Christmas.

The Bruins are in a tough spot as USC's whipping boy and the stress is starting to show. ASU hoops fans can attest to the frustration of absolute inferiority in the face of one's hated rival, but UCLA has the unfortunate burden of optimism. At least we know ASU basketball sucks and we expect routine beatings on Thursday and Saturday nights throughout the winter and spring, but somewhere along the line UCLA got it to their heads that they deserve more. They have certainly had better success than most Pac-10 teams historically, but how many Bruin head coaches can you name? I can only come up with two- Terry Donohue and apparent job seeker Karl Dorrell- the two most recent coaches. Why can't you just take your powerhouse basketball program and be satisfied? Florida has apparently ruined it for everyone.

I'm planning on doing another Q & A with the boys at BruinsNation, so if there are any questions you want answered leave them in the comments section. I'll also attempt a preview sometime this week, but it really comes down to one thing: which ASU team will show up?


They Play Other Sports At ASU?
Speaking of basketball, the Sendek ship has started it's voyage a wee bit off course, but that's okay. No one here is expecting jack or shit at Wells Fargo Arena this year (how have things changed?) as Herb Sendek tries to give birth to a basketball program. Note I use the term birth as opposed to revive- there's no past at ASU that needs to be brought up again, I don't care how nice of a guy Ned Wulk was. (RIP) Jut a reminder for you Wulk supporters, no one outside of 85281 knows who we're talking about. Last night's loss to NAU featured a few bright spots in an otherwise dismal preview of the months to come.

* There were students in attendance for a non-conference game for the first time since the mesozoic era.

* The announced attendance was 10,262. Spectators attest that there were far fewer butts in seats, but that will still look good in a box score. If Rob Evans was retained, that number would be in the 4,000 to 5,000 range. That, I assure you, is not a joke.

* The two best players on the court were true freshmen Jerren Shipp and Christian Polk, scoring 23 and 22 points, respectively. Some think that next year's studded recruiting class will actually create depth at the guard position. Eddie House sits stunned in New Jersey, I assure you.

* The new uniforms are simple and snazzy. Removing the gold trim from the white-maroon combination has done wonders.

Keep at it boys, it's going to be a long year.

OOOO! CFB Gossip!
Let's dish. There's a party tonight in Tallahassee as Jeff Bowden "resigns" his post of offensive coordinator at Florida State and bloggers everywhere are using quotation marks to make it look suspicious. While he was a successful coach at other schools before his dadgum daddy hired ol' Jeffy-poo on, his play calling left a lot to be desired and the stench finally reached the head coach's office. The reasonable guess is that enough pressure from the high dollar boosters was applied to FSU's athletic director and someone's head had to roll for a non-championship season. Lynchings would occur if Bobby were to leave his job by any means other than graceful retirement, (he will ALWAYS be loved in Tally) and his weight was probably enough to make things look nice by allowing Jeff to present the facade of moving on to bigger and better things. Peace and chicken grease, Jeff. It appears that FSU will go back to kicking the shit out of it's opponents by using the same 5-star athletes whose sucess you've been hindering.


***Random fun nugget!***
Here is a little something I posted on a message board regarding ASU's attendance woes for this season and many others like it. It some of my best work, and I know both of you loyal readers will appreciate it.

"I don't see why going to hang out with 70,000 of your best friends every week to drink, scream, and yell is such a chore. People go to church every week, and that's hardly exciting. I just don't get it. Nothing aginst Jesus, but if it were as cool as college football people would tailgate."

They really have it all in South Bend.

Labels: blog links, hoops, message board nonsense, Pac-10 business, regular old crackers

On the road, no less.

Here's a link since I'm sure the picture will suck.

I'm not really all that interested in how the Devils play this Saturday against Washington State. The following week's matchup against UCLA doesn't really entice me all that much either. There is only one goal left for the 2006 ASU football season, and it has nothing to do with a bowl. Defeat UA in Tucson. Nothing more, nothing less.

In good news, Rudy Fucking Burgess may be moved back to wide receiver after injuries to Nate Kimbrough and Mike Jones occurred on Saturday, not to mention ANOTHER suspension of flanker Jamaal Lewis. All of a sudden ASU is thinner at WR than they are at corner. Please do not search the tHOH archives to see how stupid predictions of this unit were.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, message board nonsense, rivalry rants, Rudy Fucking Burgess, thug life, UA morons

I, like OSU quarterback Matt Moore, recognize what an easy target Keno Walter-White is.

My thoughts on today's transactions have been summed up in one short statement by a man calling himself "Jeddevil." You'll see it on the banner of the blog page until ASU wins or U of A loses. Sadly enough, I'm not even sure when that's going to happen. Ok that's total BS, the kitties will lose to Cal next week. The point is, not much more could have gone wrong today. Let's see how my favorite teams fared today:

1) ASU- loses 44-10 to Oregon State, more on that later.
2) Washington State (aka whoever's playing U of A)- loses by 10 to a team that has a moral victory when they reach positive rushing yards.
3) Florida State- Wins convincingly, against a team I despise no less. A sunny spot in an otherwise cloudy day.

4) Oklahoma- Wins, but taken to the wire and nearly Bomar'd themselves (again) with a timeout that occured a split second before a converted 4th and inches on their OWN 30 yard line with a one point lead and 90 seconds remaining. Maybe he really is related to the bumbling Tucson counterpart (or Dirk).

It's gotten so bad on the homefront that they're selling t-shirts online now. Quite witty indeed, and I'll follow that up with the obligatory post-loss link to BenchKoetter.com. Lo and behold, it has spawned! two websites for the same cause, now we need to start the buyout slush fund. I got ten bucks! I'd also like to call shotgun as the conductor of the "Hire Butch Davis Express." Remember the sales pitch from when I was screaming for us to dump Dirk and go after Spurrier:

1) Warm climate
2) Sunshine/world class golf 360 days a year
3) Athletic talent available, simply unmotivated
4) Fishing at nearby lake Apache
5) Easily dominated in-state rival
6) Big school, great facilities

You have to lure the good ol' boys out west somehow. I have, however, found a solution for all of this nastiness. they sell it at Target and other retailers, and you've probably seen it- it's the bucket-o-cocktail that needs nothing more than a bottle of vodka and a few hours in the freezer. If you use a liter instead of a fifth, it makes for a whopping good time. Wheee!

***randon fun nugget! Best gameday sign: a Texas A&M student had one that read "Pop your Collar For Adrian Peterson!" Brilliant minds in College Station, even if karma dictated their loss today.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, I'm witty, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

Author's note: The "add photo" function on Blogger is a steaming heap of shit, but here's a link to a cool halloween picture. Enjoy!

There are reasons you don't go to bars on Tuesday nights, of this I am sure. Problem is I wasn't so sure of it last night and I am subsequently feeling undelicious at work today. The wit today is about as sharp as a bowling ball, so I'll leave it to the experts.

Michigan Zone has reported a fantastic, hate-filled rivalry story about the tragically uncool Red Hot Chili Peppers. Remember them? They were a cutting edge punk band that innovated the eventually annoying rock/rap genre, but now all they put out are sad bastard songs, most of which seem to refer to their home state of California. They are the top nominees for artists that need to get back on the junk immediately; maybe George Clinton and Willie Nelson should open for them. As a wiser man than myself once said, "should a formerly great artist be punished for his latter-day sins? Is it better to burn out than fade away?" Pardon the aside, and now back to the story. Drummer Chad Smith (allegedly a Michigan native) appeared on stage at a Columbus concert sporting a Wolverine jersey and the band was booed. They then opened the set with Michigan fight song Hail to the Victors, a move that has led to at least one local radio station banning their music. Anti-Buckeye works for me almost any day of the week, but the fact that they knew the fight song of the town's rival is wholly rock and fucking roll and could only happen in the arena of college rivalry. Bravissimo!


Note to Keidis, et. al.: this is what a rock band should sound like.

More props to M-Zone for being on fire this week with their head coach halloween costumes. Spot on, gentlemen.

Labels: blog links, drugs, message board nonsense, movie references, regular old crackers, rivalry rants

Ward, don't you think you were a bit hard on the beaver last night?

ASU is playing a team on halloween week that wears orange and black, isn't that fun. I don't know much about the Beavs yet, but I'm working on it. It's hard to get good results when your research consists of pissing matches like this one. Here's what I know based on previous experiences of ASU whipping up on them:

* Matt Moore is Sam-Kelleresque when he's on, and I mean that in a really
good way. Confident, bold, and a rifle of an arm. When he's off, however, he looks like a post-bender Ryan Kealy. The guy is a freaking time bomb that can (hopefully will) transform into an interception machine at any given moment. Heads up, Josh.

* TE Joe Newton is top notch. OSU wouldn't trade him for any tight end in the country, and ASU wouldn't trade the obviously superior Zach Miller (some sarcasm, but really true) for Newton. Should be fun.

* Even though they miss graduated WR Mike Haas, they still have reliable wideouts led by Anthony Wheat-Brown, a guy who seems like he's played there for seven years or so.

* Yvenson Bernard is a truck of a running back and will return Saturday against the Devils, even though the Beavers didn't need him to beat USC. If you're not familiar with Bernard, just think of Oregon State alum Stephen Jackson (dreads and everything) but a wee bit slower.

I totally can't tell them apart, but I guess that's why they wear numbers on their shirts.

OSU didn't play four solid quarters and still beat the Trojans. ASU better bring their "A" game. Attempts at being more in-depth are forthcoming...

Labels: I'm witty, message board nonsense

I'll be heading out to Durham tonight to check out the Duke-Florida State game tomorrow with my Nole grad girlfriend and a couple of friends, so I'll be sure to leave you with a swath of snippets and links from the world that is ASU football. I've pretty much exhausted myself breaking down tomorrow's matchup between the Trojans and the Devils, so let's find a bit more to discuss, shall we?

* Unfortunately, I'll be in Texas on Thanksgiving. The good news is that it's only a layover at DFW on the way to Tempe for Turkey Day! I'll be there for famly, friends, and of course this year's turf war between the Sun Devils and Wildcats, already being dubbed "The Dud In The Desert." I tried to purchase tickets through the opponent's website, and this was the message I received:

We're sorry, football is currently down for maintenance.

Please try again next year.

I Guess ol' Mikey hasn't exactly been setting the world on fire down there. I went back today, and apparently they're selling tickets for the University of Wyoming! (here's what their stuff looks like, and note the logo for single game purchases) I don't make this stuff up folks, they just must have a team of monkeys running things down in the old pueblo.

* ASU basketball has it's first official practice tonight under new head coach Herb Sendek, and this season's outlook is so bad that the AZ Republic ran a cover story about a player that won't even play for the Devils this year. Take cover until baseball season, Sun Devil fans.

* Call me crazy, but it sure seemed like Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit were a little buzzed during last night's telecast of the VA Tech-Boston College game. Of course I can't prove that they took a tour of the Samuel Adams brewery just before kickoff, I'm just saying it seems awfully possible. Their banter regarding the apparent fall of Tech and the inefficiency of the replay system sounded like they were having too good of a time by espn standards, of course that may have something to do with ditching College Gameday chaperone and resident coot Lee Corso for the evening. Speaking of that game, it's nice to see those turkeyfuckers go down in flames and even have a flair-up on the sidelines. The wave of recruiting power that was Michael Vick seems to be waning, so hopefully Tech fans will head back for the hills (quite literally).

* My standard espn gripe this week is this "full circle coverage" poppycock. When you have one game on 4 channels that total something like 11 simultaneous angles, I get seizures, plain and simple. Besides, who wants to see that much of Northern Alabama anyway? Of course if they weren't wasting four channels one one game the folks on the left coast would be able to see the great matchup between Michigan and Penn State (not to mention ASU-USC) without buying a satellite package. Regional coverage blows.

* Devil's Digest has two quality in-depth previews of tomorrow's game in LA. I could probably write something that good if I only had seen USC play this year. Please refer to the espn gripe, not to mention the Pac-10's ludicrious loyalty to Fox Sports Net, a channel you can't even get in Richmond.

I guess it's time to do some real work so I can get the fudge out of town. Have a great weekend, and I'll leave you with this: your moment of zen. JoePa's next gig after Penn State- Wal-Mart greeter. Adios!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, hatred for the 4-letter network, hoops, message board nonsense, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, tailgating, UA morons

For all of the Chicken Littles in Sun Devil land, this post by someone calling themselves Malph really outlines what college football is all about: 117 teams with one goal in mind, and they're all trying their damndest to achieve it by triumphing over their peers. Most investors wouldn't give dollar one to a company that had a one in 117 chance of truly succeedng, yet here we are at Coach Koetter's doorstep with torches to accompany our pitchforks. Take it away Malph, and bravo sir.

In fairness to Koetter... a little perspective

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arizona.... hires what many thought was the best assistant coach in the country, after 3 years he has been a complete and total failure.

Oregon State.... after an impressive BCS performance against Notre Dame, the team has gone straight downhill and that's even after bringing back their super coach Mike Riley.

Stanford.... hires hot shot Steve Spurrier assistant for head coach, he fails miserably. Then they hire extremely well regarded Walt Harris from Pitt with absolutely no signs of improvement. Like Stoops, only his honeymoon is saving him.

UCLA.... should be a BCS school every year, goes the affirmative action route and hires a completely unqualified head coach, the results have been pathetic for a program like theirs.

Washington State... has had nothing to cheer about since Mike Price left.

Washington... one of the best programs in the entire country for decades is now, finally, after several years as a doormat and many coaching changes, has a decent team but still no where near ready to win the conference.

Maryland.... surges to the nation's elite with a BCS performance, everyone loves Ralph Friedgen... that is until he's had back to back below .500 seasons, now he's on the hot seat.

Miami... Larry Coker wins a national championship, the coach who couldn't lose. The super genius. Now everyone wants him fired.

NC State.... Wolfpack fans are worried that Chuck Amato will leave for another program after two great years... now they all want him fired.

Michigan State... hires John L. Smith, the hotshot coach from Louisville that everyone wanted to hire... now John L Smith is on the hotseat because he can't win the big game, the team has quit on him, he can't compete with the big boys in the conference, etc.

Texas A+M.... hires away supercoach Dennis Franchione from Alabama (and formerly of TCU). The dream coach. What a steal for the Auggies!! Even ASU was after this guy. Now they all want him fired because of his mediocre performance.

Purdue's Joe Tiller is on the verge of greatness after leading his team to the Rose Bowl.... now is on the verge of unemployment.

Colorado hires away supercoach Gary Barnett from Northwestern... underachieves completely at CU, now hires Dan Hawkins who can't even beat a Div-IAA school.

Kansas State... Bill Snyder builds a consistent top ten program which is now a consistently sub-average program. KState fans screaming for new blood, demanding a coaching change.

Arkansas.... Nebraska offered super hot coach Houston Nutt $2M/year to coach the Huskers have they fired Frank Solich, to the relief of all Razorback fans, he declined... that is unless you ask them today, where they are all screaming for him to be fired.

The list goes on and on: Boston College, Georgia Tech, North Carolina, Virginia, Sryacuse, Minnesota, Illinois, Missouri, Oklahoma State, BYU, Alabama, Mississippi State... even Notre Dame is now, finally, coming out of their funk.

This doesn't excuse or justify anything Koetter has done.

However, just realize there are only a handful of programs who consistently win and dozens upon dozens of others trying to scratch and claw their way up to the top of the mountain. Turning around a program into a national championship caliber team is an extraordinally diffiucult task for any coach.

Right or wrong, good or bad, Koetter will be our head coach for this year and probably next year too.

The team needs our support.

The peanut gallery picks Malph's brilliance apart here.

Blogging is easy if you just republish what others have writen. Yay, plagerism!

Labels: I'm a big fatass, message board nonsense