The House Of Heat

Arizona State University: Makin' it rain on dem wildcat hoes since 1885.

In light of getting swept by the Sun Devils in their beloved cash cow men's basketball, one would think this would be a good week for the University of Arizona to lie low and wait it out until softball season starts, but leave it to our good friend Jeff Metcalfe to pile it on when some piling needs doing. Metcalfe, the ASU beat writer for the Arizona Republic, has been the only Republic journalist that has treated ASU like a hometown team as long as I've been reading it (about a decade) and today may be his finest hour. We'll get to Jeff in a moment.

In a story that should have already died (thanks internet!), Mike Stoops used part of his signing day press conference to badmouth the recruits that originally pledged committments to UA but later switched to ASU. He also made sure to include a potshot about rival Arizona State and their academics, stating the following:

"Obviously Arizona State has turned into a JC, and we're a four-year college. According to all the players, they say it is easier to go to school there, easier to get in. I thought we had the same requirements."

Wow. I've had a number of thoughts regarding the situation since it came out last Wednesday.

1. The academic requirements are identical at ASU, UA and NAU, as set forth by the Arizona Board of Regents.
This is true! There was such a large request for information after this story broke that the University posted two academic FYI articles on the official athletics website.

2. Every other team in the country is talking about the players they signed, how bad are yours that you're discussing the ones you lost?
Not great but it could have been worse. Stoops signed the top DB in the west in Robert Golden, but the overall class was ranked 39th by Rivals, 39th by Scout, and 32nd by espn. A 36.6 average out of 119 D1 teams sounds pretty good, but 36.6 out of the 66 BCS teams comes off as pretty meh, ranging somewhere near the 45th percentile. In a day based on potential where everyone wins, somehow Arizona loses.

3. Dennis Erickson fucking owns you.
Also true! Stoops got one of the top 18 recruits in the State of Arizona while Erickson got six. Also, DE is 1-0 against Stoops lifetime, and while one doesn't usually make a trend, you know it's a trend. By the way, ASU's recruiting class landed a ranking average of 20, good enough for the 70th percentile.

4. Koetter never even pulled any shit like this, you buffoon.
He hated the media, and the media hated him back. If Koetter had done something this stupid, you would have known about it. This means one very important thing: Koetter loses the "horse's ass" moniker, for Lord Stoops has rightfully claimed it as his own!
At least Stoops didn't punt during the presser.

5. I bet those UA nutjobs will rally around him again, using JuCo! as a battle cry for years to come.
Example A. Example B, they chanted "J-C! J-C! J-C!" during Sunday's loss to ASU in hoops. Case closed.

6. What kind of a message does this send to Stoops' commits? Should they not be the star of the show?
The verdict's still out on this one since Tucson isn't exactly a hub of information or unbiased journalism.

7. What kind of a message does this send to the three players that switched commitments?
Which brings us to today's article by Jeff Metcalfe. I would make the entire thing my smartass subtitle at the top of the page, but Blogger has a character limit. Metcalfe took the time to interview RB Ryan Bass, WR Gerrell Robinson, and WR Jarell Barbour- the three big name recruits that spurned UA for ASU- to find out what they thought. Bring on the quotes! (emphasis mine)

Barbour said ASU associate athletic director Jean Boyd, is the "main reason why I'm there." Boyd directs ASU's academic support for football and other sports. "He sat me down and said this is what you need to do to be eligible to play football," said Barbour, who feels his comments were misused by Stoops.

"He put my business out in the open. It was cruel. I didn't want to go there because their football team is horrible. They stunk it up bad. I didn't want to be a part of it. I want to be on a good football team that's going to go places."

Running back Ryan Bass of Corona (Calif.) Centennial also was expressed disappointment in Stoops: "I felt he was out of bounds with his comments. I hope he didn't make those comments because I switched to Arizona State. Everyone knows it's the same to get in. It didn't sit too well with me. I'm glad he (Stoops) apologized."

"I've worked too hard these past four years to say I have grade issues," said Robinson, who has a 3.0 grade-point average and 1490 SAT score that are good enough for admission to Notre Dame. "We all have reasons why we decommitted and why we committed in the beginning. We're 17- and 18-year-old kids. He's a grown man. You'd expect him to take the high road. If anything, you'd expect one of the three of us to say something like that, not the grown man in the situation.

"ASU has done nothing but help get Jarrell and Ryan on the right track. I don't think Arizona was adamant about doing that at all. I was there 15-20 times myself and never once saw anything about academics. It was poor judgment on my part (to initially commit to UA). ASU on junior day showed us around to all the educational categories they have."

Barbour also is more than ready for his first Territorial Cup.

"I can't remember the last time Arizona beat Arizona State," he said. "We're going to take it out on the field, and it's not going to be pretty. It'll be the best game of my life, I promise that."

A note to Mr. Stoops: when you're in a hole, step #1 is to stop digging. Please cease and desist any and all digging immediately. We at ASU would like to see nothing more than a lengthy contract extension for you.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, dirty icky recruiting, hoops, message board nonsense, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the offseason sucks, UA morons, you have to see this

It's fuzzy but it's fo' real!

ASU is fourth in the BCS for doing nothing more this week than sippin' on purple drank and scroggin' bitches during their bye week. During undergrad I lived across the street from a few footballers just off of Hardy Drive. On bye week Saturday they went around to all of the houses in the immediate vicinity and let us know that they were having a party and politely asked that we speak to them and not the police regarding any noise complaints. It was one of those ridiculous parties like you see in the movies with extraordinarily hot ladies and gigantic muscle-filled gentlemen stumbling and vomiting on the front lawn. They didn't invite us, oh by the way.

So what did you do for your bye week?

Sometimes you wake up with the urge to do something superbly stupid, like buying a case of everclear and looking up your old fraternity brother who just got moved from an ATF watch list to a work-release program. While I'm not that crazy (because that guy really exists in real life) I did manage to create a similarly self-destructive scenario by teaming up with an Arkansas alum and showing the local Seminoles how to party by arriving on campus at 3 a.m. and throwing a 24 hour tailgate. No hangover today but the legs are sore after standing for nearly 28 hours, including one of the better football games I've ever witnessed. Too bad for you it was regionally televised, because it was a doozy. Miami fans are the worst group of people since the fall of the third reich, and they make U of A fans look like the service staff at your local Ritz-Carlton. To top it all off, none of them even went to school there.

Cal's loss at UCLA may hurt ASU's strength of schedule, but the Bears will come rolling in to town on Saturday playing like a wounded animal. ASU will have a target on it's back and he nation's eyes will be on Tempe, seeing if this supposed paper tiger can really play against a good team. The defense will have its' hands full with a recovered Nate Longshore, DeSean Jackson, and Justin Forsett. Saturday would be a good time for this team to come out firing and play all four quarters. We shall see.

And finally, former ASU baseballer Dustin Pedroia had plenty of fun after his Red Sox clinched the ALDS (picture from loljocks.blogspot.com).

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, I miss college, movie references, surrounded by morons, tailgating

Everyone wants to be a superlative. Remember in high school when folks were proud of having their picture in the yearbook for class clown, cutest couple, and the like? Washington State coach Bill Doba apparently has his eye on "dumbest fucking coach on the planet." Dennis Franchione is taking poor coaching to another level by displaying ineffectiveness off the field, so Doba has also decided to step his game up because by golly, he wants to be remembered at the ten year reunion too. Come on down Bill, you savant:

“Arizona, I said … is the second- or third-best team in the conference. I still hold true to that,” Doba said. “They are talented – I think more than the team we’re facing this week [ASU].”

That's right, we're playing them this week. Bulletin board, anyone? In case you've been hiding in a deep hole, Arizona State is 5-0 and ranked 18th nationally. UA beat Washington State last week, and proud we are of all of them, but it was their first victory over a D1 opponent this season. This isn't just a pot shot at ASU either, Doba's insinuating that Arizona is better than Cal and/or Oregon as well.

Arizona is currently 1-3 against real teams, and don't give me that Appalachian State any given Saturday crap. With the exception of Cal the cats weren't playing the titans of the game either, posting losses to New Mexico in Tucson and at BYU.

Stupidity is punishible by many forms- pain, financial burden, or even a coaching stint in Jacksonville- but here's my suggestion for ASU to even the score, because being compared to Arizona football is an insult. I recommend the following final score on Saturday, photo style:

ASU


Wazzu


Take ASU, and the over. The spread is hovering around 9 if you feel like getting rich.

Labels: blog links, Dirk's a horse's ass, Pac-10 business, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons

So I've moved to Tallahassee with some money in the bank but no job. The move to the smaller market has proved tougher than originally thought and thusly I have a lot of free time on my hands with zero friends so far. If you know anyone with construction management/real estate development connections in Tallahassee, by all means provide. On a whim I vowed to stay completely sober until I find work, leaving me with a heap of original thought and motivation. With not much else going on, I've turned to my OCD tendencies to help me through this quiet time. My activities have included:

• Keeping an immaculate home
• Watching every movie in my collection (I'm currently on #101 out of 125)
• Reading all of the comments on the infamous EDSBS post #1406 (had to stop at 400 for fear of insanity)
• Exercise *gasp!*
• Perusing message boards and the blogosphere to exhaustive lengths

I've been reading blogs that I usually don't frequent due to 1) a lack of time and 2) they're written at a level that, honestly, I can't handle everyday. MGoBlog, Dawg Sports, and Sunday Morning Quarterback are just three of several websites that lower my literary self-esteem to a level of inadequacy that makes undersized, bullied youths become cops. (I wonder if the local PD is hiring?) Here are three things that need your attention as fans of college football and the internet:

1. T. Kyle King's recent piece on DawgSports regarding the ongoing struggle with/against the media Death Star, espn.
2. On top of doing a preview page for every team in D-1, SMQ is now in the midst of thoroughly breaking down each BCS conference and Pac-10 Week should be right around the corner.
3. MGoBlog hosts the BlogPoll each season, which is like the AP but us sophisticated blogger types vote instead of the mainstream media folk. I've contacted the site about making tHOH eligible to vote but have heard no response so far. Preseason ballots should come out sometime in the next month and yes, I'll be totally biased for the Devils.

Not to leave without anything ASU-related, here's few nugs to keep you sedated for at least part of the next 36 days:

* The Sun Devils were picked to finish fourth in the Pac-10 preseason media poll, but who cares about the opinions and prognostications of writers before the season starts?

* Former ASU fullback Tex Wright, not to be confused with Randall "Tex" Cobb of Raising Arizona fame, is alive, well, and author of one of the all-time great ASU finishes that I'd never heard of before this week.

Nope, not him.

* As poster "ENCINITASjon" of Devils Digest put it, here's "one of the dumbest articles you'll ever read." It's so bad it may get its own post here in a couple of days.

* Former Sun Devil basketballer and Sigma Nu douchebag Ron DuBois landed a job as an assistant coach with the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies. See Tucson, we do stuff in the NBA too.

* I started my own poll at Devils Digest since I don't know how to do it here. It asked readers to vote for how long it would take for the 35-44-1 all-time record vs. UA to get evened up. The vast majority of voters chose 11-15 years, but unfortunately some folks from down south got involved and it turned into an argument about semantics and the interpretation of the written word, then forever banished to the rarely visited smack board.

* Dennis Erickson inked his fourth signee of the 2008 recruiting class, local offensive lineman Patrick Jamison, who was suited by Erickson since his last name is a fantastic whiskey. Jamison also received scholarship offers from UCLA, Tennessee, Oregon State, Boise State, UNLV, and Arizona.

Thanks to google image search, I was also reminded that "Jameson" is also the last name of a prominent porn star.

* Apparrently KTAR 620 was late to Pac-10 media day since they only have audio of Jim Harbaugh, Pete Carroll, and Karl Dorrell available on their website. Admittedly I was also late to link up to it, that's why I was looking. As soon as I can find a complete archived audio file of the proceedings I'll pick apart everything Dennis Erickson says and take a few pokes at Mike Stoops.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, blog links, dirty icky recruiting, hatred for the 4-letter network, hoops, movie references, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, UA morons

...in terms of scholarships revoked. Ha. Ha. Ha.

The Wildcats lose four scholarships for low APR scores, a mathematical formula as complicated as the BCS that determines if athletes are making efforts as student-athletes. While UofA loses four football scholarships, ASU football actually improved their score. Fear not, Tucson faithful: you don't have that far to fall since you're already at the bottom. This most recent revokation brings their total to seven lost scholi's over the last two years, a penalty they're blaming on former coach John Mackovic. (Still? Yes, still.) Tempe's favorite coach since since Frank Kush takes the heat since graduation rates are factored in, and the player exodus his incompetence caused three years ago affects this year's score. They are the only BCS conference school to lose any scholarships, and they are fourth overall behind NAU, Temple, and San Jose State- a team coached by former head wildcat Dick Tomey. That Tucson filth just doesn't wash off.

Four! Four scholarships revoked! Ah ah ah!

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but what's done is done and I'm not apologizing. ASU basketball remains in the APR red and scholis were lost last year, but they have been restored and all things are looking up with Herb at the helm. The Sun Devil hoopsters actually scored lower than UA football, but there's this sneaky little factor in the formula known as "team size adjustment" that adjusts the severity of other factors to prevent heavy influence by statistical outliers. Sorry kitties, you lose again, but you're used to that sort of thing by now.

Labels: rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, UA morons

When you hire Rob Evans as a basketball coach. Ouch.

The University of Arkansas is obviously too distracted by Las Chronicas Locas De Boss Hawg to do any research on their new assistant, for if they did they might reconsider. In the AP write-up, Evans doesn't even have any career achievements listed from his last seven years of coaching, all of which happened to take place at ASU.

Take solace, Fayetteville: teams named "U of A" have fared remarkably well in Evans' presence over the last 8 years.

Evans, seen here taking a dump at Wells Fargo Arena. (as usual)

Labels: hoops, surrounded by morons

Bowl game? I would have rather not went, if the Cats would be embarassed by the "Rainbows".

You can only imagine which camp spewed this nonsense. A lot of chest-thumping coming from someone that hasn't seen a bowl game since the Clinton administration. Read the entire pissing match on "the gap" between ASU and UA at this ridiculous message board link.

EDIT: Boy oh boy does this ever chap my ass. Here's the Scout.com member profile for that mongoloid.

Labels: message board nonsense, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the offseason sucks, UA morons

First he steals content, now he's attacking blog sites for no apparent reason. While this is probably exactly what he wants to happen, the news must be spread: Colin Cowherd is a douchebag.

As reported by EDSBS, the aforementioned enema-facilitator today launched a nuclear attack on thebiglead.com, directing listeners to the site- not for witty, original content mind you- but solely for the purpose of crashing their server, knowing full well that most bloggers have extremely low bandwidth due to it's free nature.

Deadspin is also all over this like Mike Stoops on a pitcher of rage-ahol, and they have even gone so far as to challenge Sir Douchie to pull such a stunt on their anti-espn banner waving site with the following statement:

Oh, and go ahead and try that shit with us. We dare you.

Huzzah! This isn't the first time the blogosphere has had to unite against CC, either. Just 53 weeks ago the M Zone was mocking the NFL Draft Combine's Wonderlic test by coming up with some questions for the modern athlete (re: spoiled thug). It's brilliant stuff, really, which can be found here but you probably already heard it on Cowherd's espn radio show since he read eight of Benny & Yost's fake questions on-air without any mention of the actual authors. After responding professionally with several letters to the show, Cowherd sent the following response via email:

WE WERE SENT IT....WE HAD NO IDEA..BUT THE INCESSANT WHINING...MEANS I WON'T GIVE YOU CREDIT NOW..GET OVER IT.

CC

Ass. The M Zone can tell the story much better than I can, so you can read their version of what happened, followed by their one-year anniversary recap. Deadspin has their version of the encounter as well, which is just as juicy and more attacking than defensive. (as it probably ought to be)

Dirk's gone now, so someone has to fill in as the horse's ass.***

It should be noted that Cowherd gave proper credit to the original authors five days later, but a rift has been growing between traditional media members and we underwear-laden, couch-potato amateurs for some time now. Some folks like their sports news straight up and to the point. Some like it overproduced with dorks in suits yelling things like booya! throughout the stories about Notre Dame, USC, and the NBA. The rest of us like our news full of sarcasm, bias, and four letter words. Fuck. Yeah, I said it. We patronize blogs because we can't stand the mainstream media any longer. Mass-media outlet schtick has grown tiresome so we have gone elsewhere, and the big boys resent it. We want coverage of topics in which we are interested; we don't think it's important just because they do, like the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry.

Support your local blog. Ignore Cowherd and all things espn, or else you support terrorism. Ok, that's not entirely true. But mostly true. The only way things will ever really change is if we become more selective as an audience. Watch the games, sure, but ignore their coverage of them. We bloggers are better than they are anyway. Shit.

EDIT: I'd also like to point out that I'm totally not worried about Cowherd attacking this site for it's opinion since 1) only four people read it and 2) Blogger fucks up all the time anyway, so how would it be any sifferent.

***- this very website is the 7th result listed upon a google image search of "horse's ass." I am slowly starting to rock.

Labels: blog links, Dirk's a horse's ass, hatred for the 4-letter network, surrounded by morons

Spring practice is here, finally! Unless you have one of those premium subscriptions to those expert-filled star-giving websites, you're as out in the cold as a homeless eskimo. I don't want to pay $80 a year either, so I'll attack the published material as mch as possible. ASU beat writer Jeff Metcalfe, of who I am a fan, sat down with Rudy Carpenter and baited him into making the following stupid remark.

"We had so many guys on the line hurt and no wideouts virtually..... I was second in the Pac-10 in sacks."

Returning Wideouts that saw playing time last year: Mike Jones, Brandon Smith, Chris McGaha, Nate Kimbrough, Kyle Williams, Rudy Burgess, and Tyrice Thompson

Returning Offensive Linemen that saw playing time last year: Thomas Altieri, Paul Faniaka, Brandon Rodd, Shawn Lauvao, Robert Gustavis, Mike Pollak, and Julius Orieukwu

Burn bridges much, dick? It doesn't sound like you've ever heard of a fellow Cali-boy douchebag named Chris Rix, who was such a locker room cancer that Pro Bowl WR Anquan Boldin was known to intentionally drop pases from him IN GAMES while playing together at Florida State. Shut your pie hole and throw the ball, son. this was the first actual football article in the Arizona Republic in months, so you know everyone in the valley read it. Good job, team leader. Oh and there's planty more:

On differences between this spring and last:
"It's going to be lot different. I think we all know who the quarterback is going to be. If Danny (Sullivan) comes in and beats me out, hey, that's my fault.

Oh yeah, you played lights-out last year after Keller's departure. Pressure is good for the competitive spirit, and you have none coming from the depth chart. Bully for you. Sullivan will never play since you can't build an offense around a guy that throws the ball like Edward Scissorhands. We all know that, and I long for the day that Chasen Stengel and Samson Szakacsy can chase your whiny ass up the ranks.

"So many times the whole being 6-5, 230, having a cannon is so overrated."

I have no idea who he's talking about.
This man pwns you, Carp.

This year there's going to be more of an emphasis on football rather than position conflict and controversies."

It certainly doesn't appear so.

Labels: movie references, Shut up Carp, surrounded by morons, the new era, we're sorry Sam Keller

No fluff or BS, last night's loss to U of A hurt. In the last decade of the ASU men's basketball program, whether it be under the regime of Herb Sendek, Rob Evans, or Don Newman, (how 'bout that reference?) the Sun Devils know the art of making a win seem so easily attainable before launching it away from themselves in such choke-job fashion that Marty Schottenheimer would take notice. I'll admit, I was overly giddy regarding the halftime lead, but reality set in shortly thereafter. We are still the bastard stepchild of Pac-10 hoops, no matter how many prized recruits are coming.

Despite the Republic's multitude of sob stories about how the gap is closing and that "there is hope for this rivalry," ASU still looks like the team that has been locked in the cycle of losing close heartbreakers to the Kitties roughly one out of every four attempts. The last one, as you may remember, ended with the no-call on a travel before Salim Stoudamire's last second shot at Wells Fargo Arena.

Moral victories? Hope for the future? Leave that for the football fans in Tucson. I want another crack at the Cats, and the Pac-10 Tournament is the only possibility. Here's the bracket setup and the current standings/conference records (as of February 26, 2007):

1. UCLA (14-2)
2.Washington State (12-4)
3. USC (11-5)
4. Oregon (10-7)
5. Arizona (9-7)
6. Stanford (9-7)
7. Washington (6-10)
8. Cal (6-10)
9. Oregon State (3-14)
10. Arizona State (1-15)

Sooo... as the English say, not bloody likely. The only mathematical and logical hope is that UA drops to the #6 seed and ASU wins the play-in vs. Washington/Cal and then upsets the #2 seed, most likely Washington State or possibly of USC. I'm not going to hold my breath on it, but the only solace that could be taken from this season is if the Devils can screw up the standings by upsetting a few teams, most notably UofA. For all of this to happen, Stanford needs to sweep the Arizona schools and U of A will have to be swept by the Bay Area schools, but crazier things have happened. Otherwise, both teams will have to make the final, and I think UCLA (among others) may have something to say about that. Herb Sendek had his share of successful runs in the ACC tournament with undermanned NC State teams, so it's not a completely lost cause.

This sucks. When does spring practice start?

Labels: hoops, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons

Since the last marketing effort blew up in everyone's faces, who not do something that will once again have the entire blogosphere giggling? Apparently the ASU athletic department is selling Sun Devil football door to door now, as today EDSBS posted a picture of the new ASU football door hanger. Orson and Stranko somehow broke this story without anyone at ASU seeing or hearing about it, and I'm still in disbelief at what I saw.

In an effort to beat the dead horse that is the Sun Devil Laws, ordinance #139 states that "it's time for the next level." Thank freaking God, because seven and something records are soooooo last year. The hanger has a picture of Coach E, National Championship ring prominently displayed, with the upper deck of Sun Devil Stadium (next level eh! Get it?) in the background pasted above a smattering of data regarding the upcoming season's home slate and the corresponding sales information. Not to be outdone by the whores on Van Buren, the back side features three "valuable coupons" including (are you ready for this?) buy one get one free tickets for baseball, men's basketball, and, as if that weren't enough, $2 softball tickets. Woo fucking hoo. You can’t give ASU men’s basketball tickets away, not even to orphans with diseases. They have enough problems already.

Please please God, let these hangers go no further than the doorknobs of the dorm rooms. This seems like an extraordinary waste of resources after the "Laws" billboards netted an average of almost 6,600 fewer butts per game. Is Lisa Love really planning on putting one of these on the door of each of the million plus households in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area? I realize that the drop in attendance can be attributed to a better home schedule in 2005 that included the benefit of hosting the rivalry game and I appreciate that the athletic department is trying to get the community involved in Sun Devil athletics, but I prefer a more organic, holistic approach. My suggestion? Just win, baby. Hiring Coach Erickson was a good step in that direction.

Here is a link to a Devils Digest thread that will have you as giddy as I am about the upcoming season. It seems that this Carter fellow has a class or two with some ASU football players and has been asking them about the coaching transition, noting the differences between Koetter and Erickson. Here’s a dandy of a quote:

Lastly I asked what do they expect for training:

This was my favorite... They said " Man, we've already been training harder than Koetter ever had us train, he has us in the gym EVERY day!! I'm lifting weights like I've never lifted before!"

Hells yeah.

Labels: blog links, I'm witty, message board nonsense, surrounded by morons, the new era

Mele Kalikmyballs.

While the Sun Devils played inspired football for most of Sunday night's game against the Hawaii Warriors, Dirk Koetter proved to be too much for the players to overcome as piss-poor halftime adjustments and weak efforts on the field plagued ASU late in the fourth quarter. June Jones and the Hawaii coaching staff must have reminded Colt Brennan that he was passing against the Arizona State secondary, sans an injured Zach Catanese no less, and the junior record-setting QB followed in the steps of Dennis Dixon, Nate Longshore, and too many others by scorching them to the tune of 559 passing yards and 5 touchdowns in Hawaii's 41-24 victory.

5 Good things About Sunday Night's Loss:
1.) Rudy Carpenter played his best game since the 2005 Insight Bowl. You won't see it on the statline, but the lost mojo/swagger of which everyone spoke following the midseason slump was finally back for the Hawaii Bowl, even if it was too little, too late.
2.) Mike Jones! The guys in the booth kept making references to the rapper of the same name, and Jones earned it. He had, by far, his best game as a Sun Devil and looks to lead the receiving corps into the Dennis Erickson era with some promise. This was the player everyone saw in the spring game, and it's about damn time it translated into a real game. He had 5 catches for 72 yards, but many were in clutch situations.
3.) Ryan Torain will be in the backfield for the 2007 Sun Devils. Dude's phenomenal and should be one of the top backs in the Pac next year. He had 160 yards on 18 carries, including a career-long 62-yarder.
4.) There are no 300 pound tailbacks in the Pac-10. Thank God.
5.) Dirk Koetter is gone. Shots anyone?! No more emotionless players. No more folding under pressure. No more punting away any hope of winning games. Throughout most of the game I thought ASU played well and did Dirk proud, but as soon as he quit on them they quit on him. This is twice now that Koetter has pulled this punt crap, and since it is the last time (yeeha!) he gets the horse's ass again.

Even a horse's ass knows when not to punt. At least it didn't get blocked.

Additional kudos for solid play go to Josh Barrett, Travis Goethel, Brandon Smith, and the outgoing seniors.

5 Not So Good Things About Sunday Night's loss:
1.) Tackling, or lack thereof. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Get in front of a guy, wrap his legs, and drive up. It's just that simple. If you think he's going to juke, watch his midsection. It's a tell-tale sign of which way he's going. I learned this in pop warner, it's really not that complicated. ASU's D probably holds Brennan to less than 400 yards passing if the secondary could have dropped guys upon initial contact. I'm not talking about those bruising running backs, either- they are freaks of nature and have to be treated accordingly. Hawaii's wide receivers needed to be brought down, or knocked out of bounds, waaaay earlier than they were.

2.) Keno Walter-White. Sorry buddy, you're back in the shithouse again. I really appreciate the photo op on 11/25 and you seem like a really nice guy, but you were everybody's bitch on Sunday. You were much like a port-o-potty: you got used, and often times shit on, everywhere you went. One of Hawaii's receivers had 308 receiving yards, and even though I haven't reviewed the game film I'd be willing to bet that he was your man to cover most of the time.

3.) Justin Tryon letting the guy go. After Dirk punted the game away it really didn't make much difference, but you can't get called out on national tv by a neutral observer for a lack of effort. Coach Erickson was probably watching (from a bar?) the telecast and you are in his doghouse before having never met the man. You have been the team's top corner all year, but you will now have to rebuild your reputation with many. I't a long offseason with nothing else to do, so you can expect this incident to be abuzz all year.

4.) Terry Richardson and Jamaal Lewis didn't make the trip to Hawaii. There wasn't a big deal made about it, leading me to believe that it was for disciplinary reasons. These talented individuals have been marred by off-field problems all season, and it must be a sad day for them. Their collegiate careers ended without spectacle or pomp; these are two men who should be worried about where they are being drafted, not if they are. It's sad to see such a waste of God-given talent, both for the team and for the individuals involved.

5.) Zach Miller is as good as gone. Erickson will have to do some major selling, but I think that there is little left for Miller to prove. His receiving numbers are down this season due to Carpenter's poor play coupled with the emergence of the running game, and a new offense will 1) be complicated to install and 2) more than likely feature tight end passes less frequently. Miller still awaits his junior NFL scouting evaluation, but many feel he is a legitimate first round pick based on his blocking and receiving skills. We'll miss you Zach, and thanks for staying home and being a Devil when you could have gone anywhere out of high school.

Additional thumbs down go to Kyle Caldwell's graduation, Zach Catanese's injury, and Jonathan Johnson's shanked punts.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, I'm witty, surrounded by morons, thug life

It's been awhile, but real life shouldn't be too much of a burden for the rest of the week. It's not like a ton has happened in the last ten days anyway. I'm already in offseason mode as far as football season goes, and ASU basketball doesn't exactly do it for me... yet. Congrats to the hoopsters on beating Colgate and holding them to 34 points. Best headline of the day goes to Garrett Cleverly of Devils Digest with "Devils send Raiders Down The Plank." Yarrr. I'd also like to add a joke about Colgate's point total and U of A's rushing yard total on November 25th, but I'm a bit rusty.

In other news, hooray for science! Please God, make that pill available over the counter. I bet it fucks you up proper!

And hooray for alcohol! Everything goes downhill after a .23, but I think we all knew that anyway, just ask former Devil linebacker/defensive lineman Connor Banks. Dude had a .27 and drove an SUV into an apartment building. Thank goodness the evil Koetter empire is gone and Dennis Erickson has arrived, bring a new form of discipline to the Sun Devils.

ETA in hell: about nine months. (HT: EDSBS)

The Arizona Republic is reporting the imminent hiring of yet another Erickson cronie as defensive coordinator, and I'm still not sure why Bill Miller wasn't considered. DE said in a press conference that he wants to run a 4-3 base scheme and blitz a lot, and how is that not Miller? With a year of Miller's system under their belts, a similar unit went (statistically) from 113th nationally to 2nd in the Pac-10 in one year. Had our offense held up just a little bit this year we might have actually beaten a bowl-bound team other than Nevada.

Corners coach Al Simmons and D-line coach Grady Stretz will be retained on the staff, but they will probably be the only two. Simmons was on the rebuilding staff at Oregon State with DE, and I assume Stretz was kept based on the vast improvement of the D-line since his arrival. Many Sun Devil fans are pleading for legendary Arizona high school coach John Wrenn to be kept on staff but realize that his outlook is bleak. Wrenn coached Chandler"s Hamilton Huskies to several state titles and produced many D-1 players, most notably recently named Pro-Bowler Terrell Suggs. He is seen as a valuable local recruiting commodity and a guy that motivates and fires up the team. He'll be missed for sure, especially the way the running backs (his unit) played this year, but where does he go? Can he return to Hamilton with open arms, or does he have to go fishing for another gig? My condolences coach Wrenn, hope you land on your feet.

I hate to blow my offseason load in the first week, but I can't stand to not share such a morsel of fun during this season of giving. Here it is, just for you: the Phat Phree presents the 11 most bangable cartoon chicks ever. Enjoy!

Labels: ASU alumni, blog links, hoops, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, thug life

For a guy branded as unloyal, this hire is puzzling.

New Sun Devil head coach Dennis Erickson announced late yesterday that his long-time assistant Rich Olson will be the offensive coordinator next year at ASU. Olson has been at the helm of some of the most un-powerhouselike offenses of this century, including the 2006 Miami Hurricanes and the 2001 & 2002 Arizona Cardinals. I'm not exactly creaming my pants about this one, with visions of dink and dunk passes into the flat for negative yardage dancing in my head. Erickson is also bringing Dan Cozzetto back to Tempe, a guy that ran the Sun Devil offense for Bruce Snyder from 1993 to 1999 and worked with Erickson in Corvallis. Coach Coz was a player favorite who is remembered for his passion and fire.

ASU has been burdened in the past with this type of coach-loyalty syndrome, watching Brent Guy captain a sub par 4-2-5 defense for far too long in Tempe before leaving for his own head coaching job (?!) at Utah State. Let's just say he hasn't exactly set the world on fire there, either. Koetter was also erroneous in the minds of many for his incredible loyalty to special teams coach Tom Osborne, even after all of the kicking gaffes that tanked games in 2004 and 2005, most notably the post-Katrina miracle LSU was able to pull off. In another instance, rather than point to a need for better coaching, Koetter threw punter Chris MacDonald under the bus in a press conference by saying that his motion and approach was the reason for so many blocked punts. It couldn't have had anything to do with the shield formation that allows defenders the opportunity to get a running start at the kicker, could it? After losing his punting job at ASU, C-Mac transferred to Texas State and is doing quite well from what I hear.

I tried to find footage of the 2005 ASU-LSU game, but this will have to suffice in it's stead. Fun stuff.


I guess the point of all of this is that ASU should be "Country Club U" for recruits, but not for coaches. There is a lot of work to be done and this AARP buddy system of staffing doesn't thrill me. Erickson should make the effort to surround himself with the best minds in the game, not necessarily his golfing buddies. I dread the thought of ASU becoming the NFL Cardinals of the NCAA, "Where coaches come to die."

Having said all of that, I'll wait for results on the field of play before I further denounce this action. In Dennis we trust! (why do I feel creepy saying that?)

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the new era, UA morons

...and it's onward to victory!

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, surrounded by morons, the new era, thug life

With all of this coaching buzz, I feel like we Sun Devils haven't been enjoying the sound defeat of the University of Arizona Wildcats. Let's pause, shall we?

Ahhhhhh, that's nice.

Anyhoo, I've been trying to wait out the coach-search storm until some things sort out, but it appears that ASU athletic director Lisa Love is keeping things too close to the vest for any pertinent speculation, so we shall do our own. Love has stated that the next Sun Devil coach should have had success in the BCS or NFL- this eliminates more known candidates than it has nominated in the public forum of newspaper articles and message boards. The list of rumored hires that won't make the cut starts with:

Norm Chow: an offensive wizard and powerful QB developer (better than DK in both aspects) that has had a ton of success at USC, not to mention the last few weeks with the Tennessee Titans, but has never been a head coach. Plus, he hates recruiting.

Dave McGinnis: Fiery, passionate coach that would be able to get the team emotionally ready for every game and practice, but his recent head coaching experience consists of the Arizona Cardinals. I don't even have to look it up to know he wasn't successful there. Something about teams in Arizona that wear red, they just can't seem to get the consistent "W's."

Tom O'Brien: Most have never heard of him, but he's the head coach of Boston College. While holding the all-time best career coaching record at BC, he’s done nothing more than flirt with the BCS. He gives the big boys scares, but can't seem to beat more than one a year. He's also apparently known for having at least one of those head-scratching, WTF coaching implosions per year where he loses to a team that has no business even playing Division 1-A college football.

Steve Sarkisian: Pete Carroll's choice for ASU head coach, but again no HC experience there.

Steve Kragthorpe: As a native Oklahoman and the son of a Tulsa alum, NO.

Gary Patterson: Successful, yes, but that whole BCS thing again. We've tried the up-and-comer route before, thank you.

Danny White: I really, really, really shouldn't have to go into this. While he's an ASU legend and the son of another ASU legend, his only coaching experience of any kind is in the Arena League. That should be enough to squelch any thoughts, but the old-timers need convincing otherwise.

As relieved as most should be with this list of cast-offs, the qualified candidate docket should be enough to keep you awake for days at a time, shuddering all the while.

Lou Holtz: Watch ESPN for five minutes and you'll be sucking your thumb in sheer terror.

Mike Martz: Went to a Super Bowl, yes, but has less personality than Dirk Koetter and has already had a stint in Tempe as ASU offensive coordinator under Larry Marmie, a man who fielded some of the worst ASU teams of all time.

Frank Kush: Probably the best coach on this list, no shit. Koetter constantly spoke of Kush's energy and probable ability to coach today. Well today is here and folks don't seem to be lining up at Lisa's office...

Steve Maruicci: Had a cup of playoff coffee as a young head coach in San Francisco but tarnished his resume by foolishly accepting the Lions' HC gig, then staying there until the wheels fell off for Detroit. Again. (Note the subtle pun: wheels, motor city, Detroit, I'm brilliant.)

Larry Coker: Yeah. Right. Miami turns away as many blue chippers as they sign in any given recruiting cycle, and this guy still ended up in a bowl game in Boise.

Barry Alvarez: The TV job must be boring, and he was a consistent winner at Wisco. Even if he is the Rick Majerus of football.

Mike Price: Multiple years in El Paso should be enough penance for killing a stripper, let alone nailing one. The guy has had to recruit to Pullman Washington and UTEP, making Tempe look like some combination of heaven and Ibiza.

Bruce Snyder and John Cooper: Lumped together since it's the same joke. Former ASU HC's that have been to the Rose Bowl but not much else.

Gary Barnett: Get ready for Loren Wade and Hakim Hill, Part II. Yet still, conference championships are conference championships.

Dennis Erickson: Leap-frogging coach constantly accused of winning with other coaches' players, but still an outstanding record. Has the street rep of a thug/cheater that has followed him since the Pell Grant scandal broke at Miami under his watch. Doesn't exactly fit Crow and Love's "Vision of the Future."

So there have to be other candidates out there, right? At least one or two that would (or even could) do well in Tempe? There still remains the Herb Sendek angle: successful guys that are sick of rabid fan bases bitching about 10-2 seasons. These are probably pipe dreams, but they exist…

Kirk Ferentz: Supposed to challenge OSU and Michigan for the Big 10 title, but fell on his face with a 6-6 record at Iowa. He also helped ASU soar to victory the last time he coached at Sun Devil Stadium.

Mark Richt: I’m really reaching here, but the Dawg fans of Georgia have been within a win or two of greatness every year since Richt’s arrival, and it has to be getting old. Holding on against West Virginia in last year’s Sugar Bowl isn’t exactly a dream date for most Athenians, and hopefully this season’s 8-4 mark (another pun, HA!) is enough to have the locals wish him the best on his way to Tempe. I can dream, right?

And the coaches I’d love to have but are realistically unattainable (in no particular order):

Bill Belichick
Bill Parcells
Steve Spurrier
Urban Meyer
Bear Bryant
Bob Stoops
Barry Switzer
Bud Wilkinson
Jimmy Johnson
Bobby Bowden
Butch Davis
Vince Lombardi
Pop Warner
Amos Alonzo Stagg
Red Blaik

"God, Family, and the Arizona State Sun Devils."

Labels: rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, the new era, UA morons

Whew, that was a close one. After coming out of the tunnel strongly and getting out to a 20-6 lead early in the fourth quarter, the Sun Devils gave us another one of those oh shit, not again moments with a dropped snap on an extra point attempt. The bad juju from yet another Rudy Carpenter fuck-up carried over to piss-poor offensive play, a shanked punt, an avalanche of penalties, and the loss of yet another Hell Hog Stephen Berg for the year. The defense came together when it really counted, though, and Arizona State was able to escape the jaws of their own shortcomings and get a much needed win.

The Good
Everything on offense, for starters. Carp had yet another 2005-like efficient day going 16-23 and no interceptions for the second game in a row. Ryan Torain had a strengthy day with 99 yards on 23 carries to raise what looks like a decent 2008 draft stock, even though Keegan Herring stole the show with his 65-yard touchdown run on a toss play that was just added to the playbook this week. The team played with passion an a sense of urgency, something some are crediting to a fiery speech given by offensive line coach Brent Myers that was inspired by one of his favorite contemporary Christian songs. Yeah, I'm just as shocked as you are on that one. Good to see someone on the coaching staff stepping it up, even if Koetter pisses on the idea in front of the press.

“Nothing against Coach Myers, but players have to play,” Koetter said. “No speech carries over for a whole game, I don’t care if it’s Knute Rockne, Vince Lombardi, Brent Myers or Dirk Koetter. It was a hell of a speech, but speeches are overrated.”

Just take the win and say thank you. Ass.

Coach Myers: Does this guy know how to party or what?!

Additional kudos to the D for playing big when it counted, and a big slap on the ass for Josh Barrett who had nine tackles and two interceptions that may very well have made the difference in the outcome of this game.

The Bad
Well, there's the fourth quarter breakdown where the team assumed victory or whatever happened to scare the piss ot of me. Playing four quarters of solid, fundamental football has been a challenge for Sun Devil football as far back as I care to remember and I don't know where to start to mend this problem; it is as ingrained into Sun Devil Stadium as sunburn and underage drinking. Jonathan Johnson shanked a punt and Jesse Ainsworth still can't hit a kick of more than 35 yards. This may come back to haunt this team (I feel like I've said this before), and it almost did on Saturday. Big thumbs down to yours truly for overhyping the arrival of Kyle Williams, who made a debut of Mike Williams proportions by dropping his first kickoff return and getting the Devils pinned deep in Husky territory. He did catch one pass for two yards, though. Woop-tee-frickin-doo.

The Ugly
Penalties. Aaaarrrrgh! WTF? How do you fix a problem as chronic as this one? The Devils are at/near the top of the national list of penalized teams. I'm stunned on this one- 16 of them for 122 yards. Just by comparison, Washington had 126 yards...of RUSHING. Also horrifying to see offensive lineman Stephen Berg out for the year with a knee injury, joining roommate and fellow senior hog Andrew Carnahan on the short list of players that will never play for the Sun Devils again. It really is a shame for these guys, particularly for any hopes of an NFL career. Barring a decision of reason and sympahy by the NCAA (not bloody likely) to grant a 6th year of eligibility, they are joined by Zach Krula, another hog with health issues dating back to last year. These three shoud be the anchors of the best line in the Pac-10, but bad fortune has reared its ugly head. *single tear*

Labels: ASU alumni, Dirk's a horse's ass, surrounded by morons

Receivers are getting publicly called out left and right! The Trib cited Sun Devil quarterback Rudy Carpenter as delivering the following tongue lashing:

"That's the thing that's been really frustrating for me and for the offense so far," he said. "In the USC game, I think Jamaal Lewis and Terry Richardson and Rudy Burgess combined for zero catches. Those are our best players. Those three guys, in my opinion, are our best players on offense besides Zach Miller."We're not getting a whole lot out of them right now. I don't know whether that's because I'm not getting them the ball, (but) they just haven't been on the field that much. They've got to start preparing better in practice. They've got to start doing the little things right or else they're not going to get their opportunity on the field on Saturday."

It didn't seem that bad when I first read it without someone else's spin, but when it falls beneath the headline "Carpenter calls out lackluster receivers" it tends to draw attention. The worst part is that this piece was not written by some hack wildcat. Kyle Odegard has been writing for ASU's award-winning State Press newspaper for years and it's always been quality text without any sensationalism, unlike the digital rag you're currently reading that is laced with typos and overexaggerated opinions.

As if that wasn't enough, the AZ Republic had this snippet on the front page of the ASU sports section (nothing could possibly trump the Cards' epic meltdown) in which Coach Koetter places some blame/responsibility on the broad shoulders of WR Jamaal Lewis. A few highlights for those too lazy to click the link...

"Any player, you're either part of the problem or you're part of the solution," Koetter said Monday during his weekly news conference. "Jamaal has just been inconsistent so far."

Way to sugar coat it at the end, uncle Dirk. I'm sure the lovely gift basket is on the way from his parents as we speak.

Lewis and fellow receiver Terry Richardson figured to be among quarterback Rudy Carpenter's favorite targets in a passing game that had been projected to be among the best in the Pac-10. So far, however, they only have been targets for questions about what has gone wrong.

BUH-ZING, Frauenheim!

These quotes will undoubtedly worm their way into the locker room and possibly on to the field of play, but it's a double-edged sword. On one hand, the receivers in question will accept the challenge, answer the scratch, and excel on the playing field. The flipside to this crazy coin is that it could completely backfire with a sort of fuck you, dad! mentality, further splitting the locker room in the wake of the Kellerpenter snafu. It was risky by Dirk, almost as risky as a hail mary on 4th and 22. Come to think of it, I'm shocked Koetter even tried it. On that note, here's a fitting fark by Hell Hog member RedSox85, whose real name escaped me in a drunken fog.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, surrounded by morons, thug life

As put off as I was regarding the late-game punting issue, I'm not really that broken up about last Saturday's loss to USC. In fact, I'm actually filled with a renewed sense of hope for 2006. This may be because I didn't see the first quarter, but the Sun Devils actually seemed to play with a sense of pride. The schedule certainly gets easier from here on out, and while I'm not making any guarantees yet, there really isn't any reason this ASU team can't- wait for it------- run the table for the remainder of the season. Much has been made of the 1995 ASU team turning a mental corner under incompetent boob/head coach Bruce Snyder, when something clicked and the guys simply "got it." Here are some of the things I've read and observed in the last week or so that have given me this new found faith in this year's team.

Rudy Carpenter is having fun again. He faced a good/great defense in the Coliseum, and rather than crumple in the face of a pass rush he shucked and jived defenders and even took off running, gaining 38 rushing yards on one play. In a Monday press conference, Dirk Koetter commented how Carp's on-field body language has changed since the Oregon loss and admitted that his lackluster stats had more to do with play calling than performance. Carp did, after all, complete over 50 pecent of his passes, and this week that didn't count interceptions. In addition to working with the receivers after practice, he's also allegedly been "talking to the team," and I suppose you can infer that the sophomore is taking a leadership role. I don't think it would be mentioned in the media if he was just up there telling dick and fart jokes.

The young linebackers are beginning to come around. They were managing gaps against the run and covering well in pass protection situations, even though USC ran a lot of two tight end sets. I don't think anyone expected these guys to set the world on fire upon arrival, but Munns, Goethel, and Nixon were all major contributors on Saturday. In fact, I didn't see anyone who looked lost all night. This is refreshing in the wake of Derron Ware's disappearance and Robert James' overall ineffectiveness.

The defense played better overall. With the exception of USC's first and last drives, the defense played lights out all night. Even though there is youth in the Trojan backfield, it was still USC at the Coliseum. The Devil D looked focused, aware, cohesive, and they were attacking, something that can't be said for any game this year or last. It's good to see turnovers forced, not to mention the offense's newfound ability to capitalize on them. Ryan McFoy is definitely a player and he should slide into Catanese's spot next year wih a smooth transition.

Practices have been better. They've been closed to the media since the Oregon game, but dedicated writers listening from the other side of the fence have noted more cheering and an overall better attitude from the players. Koetter has noted that the hitting in practice has been the hardest it's been all year, and that was probably a major factor in the D's improved performance against the Trojans. As mentioned above, Carpenter has been working on his timing with the receivers after practice, something indicitave of dedicaion and a desire to get better.

Keno Walter-White made me eat my words with his pick-for-six in the USC game. I have to admit that he was a big part of the defensive success on Saturday, and almost played well enough to make me forget about that offsides call on the final USC scoring drive. Rome wasn't built in a day, so I guess I'll just accept this as marked improvement. An extra kudos to Justin Tryon, who has done a solid job since his arrival from junior college. Way to not get posterized by Dwayne Jarrett, JT. I'm still a fan, even if everyone in Berkeley thinks you're a cheap shot artist.

The upcoming schedule. How 'bout this little article right here? Stanford is first, and they might be the worst BCS conference team in America right now, especially without Trent Edwards at QB. They could be bad enough to restore enough ASU mojo to start throwing deep again. Outside of the rivalry game, home matchups against UCLA and Washington State are probably the toughest challenges left on the slate.

By the way, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Be sure to read this and this to get your hopes up. Buck up lil' campers, good times are around the bend. By the way, the aforementioned 1995 ASU squad won five of their last six games after losing to Nebraska 77-28. I think it's rather well documented what happened the following year, as a young defensive corps and a young quarterback matured...

Labels: ASU alumni, blog links, Dirk's a horse's ass, surrounded by morons, thug life

A punt. A punt? A punt! When there are 100 seconds left in the game and you have the ball down by seven points, typically the prudent thing to do is to not give the ball back to the opponent. I know that was done by ASU in the 1997 Rose Bowl, but that's because they scored a touchdown and college football no longer uses the make it-take it set of possession rules. Apologies Dirk, but with this display of game coaching- the worst since Rob Evans left town- you have lost one extremely loyal and vocal supporter. Just as Bruce Snyder jumped the shark against Oregon in 2000, you have provided your once supportive fans with a defining moment regarding your coaching tenure at ASU.

Labels: ASU alumni, Dirk's a horse's ass, surrounded by morons