The House Of Heat

This is Colin Parker, ASU's freshman safety.


This is Colin too, 5 years earlier. Wait for it...


* Dan Zeiger of the East Valley Tribune unearthed this melancholy story from the Fresno Bee on the departed Derek Shaw, former Arizona State uber-recruit that transferred to Texas Tech only to leave Lubbock without so much as ever attending a single practice. It's good to hear that a kid with such a hellish background and head full of crap is finally starting to put things into perspective and figure things out for himself. It's not "just football," Derek.

* Tight end Dane Guthrie, who transferred from Florida and has yet to impress, has been moved to defensive end and has regained the form that had him so highly regarded coming out of Miami's Killian High School. Erickson notes his natural instinct and ability for the position, adding that his "great hip explosion," among other things, will make the switch permanent. The move came out of desperation after losing DE Luis Vasquez, DE Tranell Morant, and DT Saia Falahola to injuries that will threaten each of their respective playing time over the first month of the season.

* Sunday Morning Quarterback, the pinnacle of intelligent CFB blogging (journalism?) anywhere, is in the midst of Pac-10 Week where he lists ASU finishing 5th in the conference in his Binding Picks piece. Also be sure to check out how those enigmatic Oregon teams live life "On the Margins," why UA won't go bowling despite what they tell you, and "guest columnist Leo Tolstoy's thoughts on UCLA." It's like watching PBS- you will get smarter, or at least feel smarter.

Labels: blog links, regular old crackers

The mainstram media takes a lot of flack for the often thankless job they do, but Sun Devil football coverage has been beyond outstanding since the start of Fall Camp. It's hard running a Sun Devil blog from Florida, and I couldn't do it without the work of guys like Jeff Metcalfe and Dan Zeiger, who have really stepped it up this season. There was also a common opinion that local coverage often showed ASU in a negative light, particularly from Dan Bickley and Scott Bordow, but both of those guys have also come around to sound like they're actually starting to become Sun Devil fans. Was Dirk Koetter really that hard to get along with?

Camp Tontozona is over and the team has headed down the hill for the start of school. Post-camp awards are too pansy for the new coaching staff, but both Devils Digest and the Trib have their accolades listed, and it's a concensus that Kyle Williams and Kerry Taylor are studs and it's not out of the question that both could start. The Republic has a breakdown of the entire squad by position group, showing which ones stagnated and which ones have improved since the start of camp.

Portland State of division 1-AA replaced the University of Idaho on the 2010 schedule, because for some reason the schools don't want to play each other anymore. I wonder why...

Photo ripped off from: Losers with Socks.

In the sad, sad, dear God that basket full of kittens is on fire sad department, Julio's Too is apparently closing so that a new burger joint can fail in the shadow of the almighty Chuckbox. May mini chimichangas, $1.50 all-the-time drafts, and some of the best damn chips and salsa in town rest in peace. Speaking of food...

Holy carne asada! Get Out published their "Devil Picks" today for the best of shopping, eating, and drinking in the 85281. They were surprisingly dead-on with a few things, especially Dilly's Deli, Harlow's, and Chuckbox, but to no one's surprise I'll throw out a few nitpicks.

* I've never been to The Salty Senorita and I don't have to, because the best margarita on the motherfucking planet is at Z-Tejas, the legendary CHAMBORD MARGARITA WITH A SILVER PATRON FLOATER. Learn this and we can be friends. 6th and Maple, chump.

* I've also never been to Restaurant Mexico on Mill, but as many who read this page know I'll shiv someone for saying anything is better than Filiberto's, or whatever the hell it's called now. Someone please tell me the new name because I feel like a schmuck for not knowing. And one more thing- nice original name, Restaurant Mexico. I have more taste in my penis.

* I have to admire the inclusion of Cheba Hut because the mention of a footlong Jamaican Red and a magic rice crispy treat will bring me to tears most days, but the top value in terms of price goes to YC's Mongolian BBQ at Southern and McClintock. Also a good cheap date, too.

* I know Dos Gringos has relocated to the site of the old Thirsty Beaver, but if it's anything like it's former self across from Architraz it should at least warrant a second place standing in the running for Best Gay Bar, because that place sucked and was constantly full of dudes.

Happy eating, bitches.

Labels: I'm a big fatass, movie references, regular old crackers, the offseason sucks

* Lastly on a somewhat serious note, I've avoided taking shots at the current situatoin at UCLA. I'm taking the high road for once, and Conquest Chronicles put it better than I ever could. This eloquent summary comes from the Bruins' crossown rivals, and you know I wouldn't be able to resist if this sort of thing happened in Tucson. Bravo to Paragon SC on this one.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, blog links, movie references, Pac-10 business, regular old crackers, the new era

So I've moved to Tallahassee with some money in the bank but no job. The move to the smaller market has proved tougher than originally thought and thusly I have a lot of free time on my hands with zero friends so far. If you know anyone with construction management/real estate development connections in Tallahassee, by all means provide. On a whim I vowed to stay completely sober until I find work, leaving me with a heap of original thought and motivation. With not much else going on, I've turned to my OCD tendencies to help me through this quiet time. My activities have included:

• Keeping an immaculate home
• Watching every movie in my collection (I'm currently on #101 out of 125)
• Reading all of the comments on the infamous EDSBS post #1406 (had to stop at 400 for fear of insanity)
• Exercise *gasp!*
• Perusing message boards and the blogosphere to exhaustive lengths

I've been reading blogs that I usually don't frequent due to 1) a lack of time and 2) they're written at a level that, honestly, I can't handle everyday. MGoBlog, Dawg Sports, and Sunday Morning Quarterback are just three of several websites that lower my literary self-esteem to a level of inadequacy that makes undersized, bullied youths become cops. (I wonder if the local PD is hiring?) Here are three things that need your attention as fans of college football and the internet:

1. T. Kyle King's recent piece on DawgSports regarding the ongoing struggle with/against the media Death Star, espn.
2. On top of doing a preview page for every team in D-1, SMQ is now in the midst of thoroughly breaking down each BCS conference and Pac-10 Week should be right around the corner.
3. MGoBlog hosts the BlogPoll each season, which is like the AP but us sophisticated blogger types vote instead of the mainstream media folk. I've contacted the site about making tHOH eligible to vote but have heard no response so far. Preseason ballots should come out sometime in the next month and yes, I'll be totally biased for the Devils.

Not to leave without anything ASU-related, here's few nugs to keep you sedated for at least part of the next 36 days:

* The Sun Devils were picked to finish fourth in the Pac-10 preseason media poll, but who cares about the opinions and prognostications of writers before the season starts?

* Former ASU fullback Tex Wright, not to be confused with Randall "Tex" Cobb of Raising Arizona fame, is alive, well, and author of one of the all-time great ASU finishes that I'd never heard of before this week.

Nope, not him.

* As poster "ENCINITASjon" of Devils Digest put it, here's "one of the dumbest articles you'll ever read." It's so bad it may get its own post here in a couple of days.

* Former Sun Devil basketballer and Sigma Nu douchebag Ron DuBois landed a job as an assistant coach with the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies. See Tucson, we do stuff in the NBA too.

* I started my own poll at Devils Digest since I don't know how to do it here. It asked readers to vote for how long it would take for the 35-44-1 all-time record vs. UA to get evened up. The vast majority of voters chose 11-15 years, but unfortunately some folks from down south got involved and it turned into an argument about semantics and the interpretation of the written word, then forever banished to the rarely visited smack board.

* Dennis Erickson inked his fourth signee of the 2008 recruiting class, local offensive lineman Patrick Jamison, who was suited by Erickson since his last name is a fantastic whiskey. Jamison also received scholarship offers from UCLA, Tennessee, Oregon State, Boise State, UNLV, and Arizona.

Thanks to google image search, I was also reminded that "Jameson" is also the last name of a prominent porn star.

* Apparrently KTAR 620 was late to Pac-10 media day since they only have audio of Jim Harbaugh, Pete Carroll, and Karl Dorrell available on their website. Admittedly I was also late to link up to it, that's why I was looking. As soon as I can find a complete archived audio file of the proceedings I'll pick apart everything Dennis Erickson says and take a few pokes at Mike Stoops.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, blog links, dirty icky recruiting, hatred for the 4-letter network, hoops, movie references, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, UA morons

It's currently being broughten.

* Due to some nagging by a couple of friends, the comments section no longer requires that pesky registration. You may still have to decipher the squiggly word, but that's blogger's doing and not mine. If you any love/hate letters for me that you don't want made public, my email address is now available in my profile. Actually I'm reserving the right to publish whatever you send me, so just forget about those naked pictures you've been saving for a great post (not that it's a real problem here).

* The new commercial is here! The new commercial is here! Yay night games.




* Mike Stoops thinks the Rose Bowl is "a lot more attainable" this year, and he didn't say it all tongue-in-cheek like the infamous comments about getting Tucson Tech to the National Title in year three. Year three was last year, oh by the way.

* I decided to make a shirt for the U of A game. Go get 'em now, before the Thanksgiving weekend rush!
MICROSOFT PAINT WOOOO!
***they're not actually for sale anywhere.***

Labels: anecdotal evidence, regular old crackers, UA morons

Labels: dirty icky recruiting, hoops, I miss college, message board nonsense, movie references, regular old crackers

Labels: ASU alumni, blog links, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, UA morons

* ASU whipped UA 8-5 last night at Packard Stadium to win the Pac-10 title outright, and the win ought to secure a home slot in both the regional and super regional in the upcoming NCAA tournament. The only thing left on the line is pride, and one more win against the Cats will give the Sun Devils the season advantage against the hated ferals of the south. The Diamondbacks must be doing really poorly right now, because the local media is all over this series. Both papers even sent photograpers *gasp!* to Wednesday's victory.

* Speaking of champions, congrats to Jordin Sparks for winning American Idol. Proud papa and former Sun Devil footballer Phillippi Sparks was in attendance for his daughter's win. Yeah, I watched some of it. So I'm a little gay. Sue me.

* Speaking of gay, M-Zone has unearthed a picture of former USC Trojan Carson Palmer...uh, just look at it for yourself.



* And finally, Jason Simmons is the shit. He played safety next to Fright Night Freedman in the mid/late 1990's, and luckily none of the evil rubbed off on him. Rather than make money on new teammate Ahman Green's desire to wear Simmons' #30, he told Green that he would have to donate the money to a needy single mother in the form of a down payment on a new home.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, other sports, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, the offseason sucks

In the abysmal absence of football news, I find myself reading more abot the baseball Sun Devils than ever before. There is a great article by Jeff Metcalfe in today's AZ Republic about the upcoming seres with UA that will determine the Pac-10 title. This little tidbit is what caught my eye:

Tuesday is the 40th anniversary of what is widely regarded as the greatest ASU-UA baseball game.In a playoff for the 1967 Western Athletic Conference Southern Division title in front of 8,314 Phoenix Municipal Stadium, ASU's Gary Gentry pitched a 15-inning complete game on two days' rest in a 3-2 ASU win.

The Sun Devils went on to win the second of their five national titles.

I feel this stat bears repeating: 15-INNING COMPLETE GAME. Not only did Gentry go 15, but he only gave up two runs. Even Nolan Ryan is impresed, and that's not just the bourbon and advil talking.

Labels: other sports, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, the offseason sucks

Labels: other sports, Pac-10 business, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, the offseason sucks

While I am no fan of espn, I try to always give credit where credit is due. Page 2 of their website has a fascinating article outlining the NFL Draft's first round busts over the last 15 or so years. It's a fun toy that helps you relive such promising collegiate/disappointing NFL careers like Ryan Leaf, Ki-Jana Carter, and Heath Shuler. Did you know that Shuler is a North Carolina congressman? Stupid basketball state. At least in Oklahoma they elect winners like JC Watts and Steve Largent.



To quench your Sun Devil thirst, here is a link to the "This Is Sun Devil Football" section of the 2006 media guide, chock full of photo collages which are always fun for all. For cheap, evil laughs, page 34 of your .pdf has a slew of notable quotes about the departed coach Koetter and what a genius football mind he possesses. You can peruse the rest of the media guide by section at this link.

Finally, tomorrow is my 28th birthday so there will be no posting due to me sneaking out of the office for some quality day drinking. If you care to join me this weekend for beverages, draft watching, and tales of how dominant Terrell Suggs was at ASU, drop me a line at houseofheat -at- gmail.com.
These eyes are either lusting after a quarterback or a double whopper. You make the call, but get out of the way. Quick.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, hatred for the 4-letter network, regular old crackers, the offseason sucks

After a whiny email from a good friend (re: loyal reader) I realized that I should probably mention something about spring practices and how apparently awesome they have been. There has actually been a lot to read during spring practices, so much so that it’s been hard finding time to write about it. A quick summary, if you will:

* Practices have been fast-paced, hard hitting, and the players are actually enjoying them. They have been so hard hitting, in fact, that several players have missed practice time due to concussions and headaches.

* Rudy Fucking Burgess had his first practice yesterday [Monday, actually -ed.] after missing the first week of spring ball due to lingering problems with a high-ankle sprain he suffered late last year (stupid defense). Rudy Carpenter said he looked good and that he will definitely be an asset because of his wealth of game experience.

RFB, straight pimpin'.

* It looks like the running game will be the best it’s been since the days of JR Redmond. Ryan Torain will be just as good as he was last season and should contend for 1st team Pac-10 honors. Keegan Herring has missed some practices due to injury but Dmitri Nance has been doing a great job in his absence. Coach E thinks Nance will see plenty of playing time because of his ability to catch the ball out of the backfield.

* Zach Krula is back on the offensive line after missing the majority of the last two seasons with a broken ankle. He is supposedly knocking people around and should be the best Hell Hog this year.

* Rudy Carpenter played most of last year with broken hands. And here I thought he just sucked.

* Coach Erickson likes the talent of the receivers but sees that they are inexperienced and need coaching. He thinks that Brandon Smith could be as good as current Cincinnati Bengal Chad Johnson was when DE coached him at Oregon State- if he puts the work in. Smith is 6’3” and runs a 4.3 40-yard dash. True sophomore WR Kyle Williams has been burning people in practice, including a 70-yard TD off of a short pass in the first scrimmage.

* Morris Wooten, a JuCo signee from Glendale CC, looks like one of the top linebackers on the team and is being compared to former ASU/GCC badass Dale Robinson, who won Pac-10 co-defensive player of the year two seasons ago. Ryan McFoy is being moved from safety to linebacker. Coach E cited his speed, hard-hitting nature and pass-coverage skills as the reason. He’ll need to bulk up, but I think he has the talent to do it. One of the reasons for the move is that Troy Nolan has been knocking people on their asses at practice, and paired with senior Josh Barrett they should be a couple of good safeties. Pat Tillman look-alike Travis Goethel will be the third starting LB. Our defensive weaknesses, as usual, are at one corner and interior D-line.

* We might actually be able to kick this year!

* There is also this warm fuzzy article by espn's Ivan Maisel.

* Also of note, AnswertheScratch.com has renamed itself SUNDEVILGRIDIRON.COM. I think it's required to be spelled in caps, or Frank Kush will hunt me down and barbecue my carcass. It's mostly the same content, but there is a new 'fan story' and the intro video features Erickson and Kush together, salivating at the fact that ASU is going to run the ball and play physically. A novel idea, sure, but you get the sense while watching that Coach Kush really hated Koetter's schemes. That's ok though, most of us did anyway. Now if we could only get rid of those cursed 'Sun Devil Laws.'

Labels: ASU alumni, regular old crackers, Rudy Fucking Burgess, the new era

With my man crush on Sam Keller in full force after Rudy Carpenter opened his big mouth, it's good to see Sam the Man in the news. If you're desperate enough for football content to come to my typo-ridden corner of the blogosphere, you probably already know that my boy SK was cited for disturbing the peace yesterday in Lincoln.

Yeah. It's pretty hard to joke about this one since the actual incident is so ridiculous, but the hits keep a comin' from the net. EDSBS' post fefatures the video for "Move" by Ludacris, but my fave so far is from Cactus Rancher "Sun Devil 916" with this gem of a zinger (mmm...donuts):

He had won the parking spot first, only to have it given to someone else later. No word yet on if he will be transferring parking lots after the incident.

Someone pointed out how feasible this really is when you look at ASU's parking prices for the upcoming academic years, but the kicker of the entire incident is that the magic bullet of a cup is already on ebay. Yay Capitalism!

So yeah, it's a short story and there's nothing much else going on...what the hell. How about a pic of proud ASU alum Victoria Thornton!

Go Devils!

Labels: ASU alumni, I miss college, message board nonsense, regular old crackers, Shut up Carp, we're sorry Sam Keller

Greatest fark Evahhh!!!!!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, blog links, Greatest Fark Evah, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

Thank freaking God. It ain't much, but this is all I have after 2+ hours of net surfing.

* The April 14th Spring Game will be held at Sun Devil Stadium at 7:30 pm. It's apparently a day game most years, and I guess he's trying- actually I don't really see the point. Hopefully some folks will make it out to Area 59 for some offseason tailgating, and they'll have plenty of time to get good and lubed for a game guaranteed to have no QB sacks.

* In a cyberspace lynching of Gary Barnett (not that he doesn't deserve it), SMQ makes sure to mention the four parts of ASU history that will never ever die. It isn't much, but seeing anything about ASU football in March is noteworthy.

* Speaking of which, Hakim Hill isn't going quietly into the night, muh'fucka. JD's son was arrested yet again in Scottsdale, even if the charges do sound a little trumped up. Brotha's just trying to get a ride home. If the Fulmer Cup gave alumni points, we Gun Devils would give Miami a run for their money.

* Jake Plummer appears to be retiring.

* Jon Hargis, a defensive line recruit out of high school powerhouse Mesa Mountain View, will be switched to offensive line as Coach Erickson feels that "He has a chance to be a good player."

Eh. I'm reminded of the part in Raw where Eddie Murphy makes an analogy regarding how great sex is if your woman holds out on you fr long stretches of time. I'm paraphrasing from memory here, but doing so fairly well if I say so.

If you're starving, and somebody throws you a cracker, you're going to say 'Goddamn, that the best cracker I ever had in my life! (licking fingers) Was that a Ritz?! That had to be a Ritz!'...But then one day you wake up and say, 'hey, I just got some regular old crackers.'

It looks like regular old crackers for quite some time. Help me NCAA tournament, you're my only hope.

Labels: ASU alumni, blog links, movie references, regular old crackers, the new era, thug life

There is always a lull in Tempe after a game against UofA, so here's a few links to keep you entertained while your boss is in that meeting.

* Insomniac's Lounge has it's nominees for the proposed Cheerleader Hall Of Fame. Why yes, of course Courtney Simpson is in it.

* My boy Newspaper Hack over at Journorock is so desperate for college football content that he has engulfed himself in The College Football Data Warehouse looking for odd South Carolina or Alabama scores. Help the poor bastard out and leave anything you can think of regarding ASU in his comments section. The one that pops out is 19-0, but a little research never hurt anyone.
Hello? Is there anybody there?

* EDSBS is reporting a new espn college football show in the style of Baseball Tonight or NFL Live. Please espn, more analysis and less Lou Holtz. I have this horrible feeing that awfulness will surround this steaming pile of sob stories and puff pieces, while Trev Alberts will mock us all from afar.

* This guy is really, really sad. A "gent" calling himself B_Dog (the handle screams intelligence, no?) has taken a stand against ASU for having their player profile pictures depict the Sun Devil student athletes in jackets and neckties. Be sure to read all of the comments and weep for the future of Tucson. Further proof that it's not just me, UA fans really are douchebags.
The double-windsor: sick, misrepresentative, and just plain wrong.

* Finally, Gaddabout at Wired Devils has written a story defending Phil Snow, Bruce Snyder, and the supposed "prevent D" that doomed ASU in the 1997 Rose Bowl. If you've been hating them since 1/1/97 like I have, it's a tough read but valid points are made. To my friend Patrick, if you can hear me, don't read the article-your head may explode.
Damn you David Boston. Damn you all to hell.

Labels: blog links, hatred for the 4-letter network, regular old crackers, UA morons

I have a review of this year's recruiting class in the works, but there has been a lot more real life than usual and thus it's not finished, but I'll be sure to post it when I have some real time. In it's absence, here's a link to a fantastic off-season thread on the Devil's Digest Message Boards. Without football, this is what we turn to. The first six posts constitute a typical, run-of-the-mill off-season thread- no football and lots of sarcasm. The seventh will blow your fucking mind.

Quite frankly I'm speechless- all I can say is that I wish I had friends like that. Be sure to nominate it for post of the day.

Labels: I'm a big fatass, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

Poor Kid.

LINK (HT: Dabo)

Labels: message board nonsense, regular old crackers, rivalry rants

It's been awhile, but real life shouldn't be too much of a burden for the rest of the week. It's not like a ton has happened in the last ten days anyway. I'm already in offseason mode as far as football season goes, and ASU basketball doesn't exactly do it for me... yet. Congrats to the hoopsters on beating Colgate and holding them to 34 points. Best headline of the day goes to Garrett Cleverly of Devils Digest with "Devils send Raiders Down The Plank." Yarrr. I'd also like to add a joke about Colgate's point total and U of A's rushing yard total on November 25th, but I'm a bit rusty.

In other news, hooray for science! Please God, make that pill available over the counter. I bet it fucks you up proper!

And hooray for alcohol! Everything goes downhill after a .23, but I think we all knew that anyway, just ask former Devil linebacker/defensive lineman Connor Banks. Dude had a .27 and drove an SUV into an apartment building. Thank goodness the evil Koetter empire is gone and Dennis Erickson has arrived, bring a new form of discipline to the Sun Devils.

ETA in hell: about nine months. (HT: EDSBS)

The Arizona Republic is reporting the imminent hiring of yet another Erickson cronie as defensive coordinator, and I'm still not sure why Bill Miller wasn't considered. DE said in a press conference that he wants to run a 4-3 base scheme and blitz a lot, and how is that not Miller? With a year of Miller's system under their belts, a similar unit went (statistically) from 113th nationally to 2nd in the Pac-10 in one year. Had our offense held up just a little bit this year we might have actually beaten a bowl-bound team other than Nevada.

Corners coach Al Simmons and D-line coach Grady Stretz will be retained on the staff, but they will probably be the only two. Simmons was on the rebuilding staff at Oregon State with DE, and I assume Stretz was kept based on the vast improvement of the D-line since his arrival. Many Sun Devil fans are pleading for legendary Arizona high school coach John Wrenn to be kept on staff but realize that his outlook is bleak. Wrenn coached Chandler"s Hamilton Huskies to several state titles and produced many D-1 players, most notably recently named Pro-Bowler Terrell Suggs. He is seen as a valuable local recruiting commodity and a guy that motivates and fires up the team. He'll be missed for sure, especially the way the running backs (his unit) played this year, but where does he go? Can he return to Hamilton with open arms, or does he have to go fishing for another gig? My condolences coach Wrenn, hope you land on your feet.

I hate to blow my offseason load in the first week, but I can't stand to not share such a morsel of fun during this season of giving. Here it is, just for you: the Phat Phree presents the 11 most bangable cartoon chicks ever. Enjoy!

Labels: ASU alumni, blog links, hoops, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, surrounded by morons, thug life

It was Cal State-San Bernadino, but it was a win. Soak it up, since the over-under on W's this season is around ten. Who knew that the son of NBA announcer Steve "Snapper" Jones was on the ASU basketball team? Not me, until he went 4-5 from three-point range in Wednesday's Sun Devil victory. Let's go burn some couches! Wooooo!



* Terry Richardson is emulating Coach Koetter more and more each day. He was probable yesterday, now he's back to doubtful after complaining about pain in the knee that suffered a torn MCL several weeks ago. Sit out against the Bruins, I really don't care. I think there were too many WR's in the reglar rotation before all of the injuries struck, causing some of the inconsistencies that have plagued the Sun Devil passing attack this year. I want TR returning kicks in Tucson next weekend, above all else. I hate to see a kid miss his senior day, but there will be plenty of GOLD at Arizona Stadium on 11/25.

Yeah, that was fun. Let's do that again.

Labels: hoops, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, thug life