Thursday, May 24, 2007


Champions, Bitches!

* ASU whipped UA 8-5 last night at Packard Stadium to win the Pac-10 title outright, and the win ought to secure a home slot in both the regional and super regional in the upcoming NCAA tournament. The only thing left on the line is pride, and one more win against the Cats will give the Sun Devils the season advantage against the hated ferals of the south. The Diamondbacks must be doing really poorly right now, because the local media is all over this series. Both papers even sent photograpers *gasp!* to Wednesday's victory.

* Speaking of champions, congrats to Jordin Sparks for winning American Idol. Proud papa and former Sun Devil footballer Phillippi Sparks was in attendance for his daughter's win. Yeah, I watched some of it. So I'm a little gay. Sue me.

* Speaking of gay, M-Zone has unearthed a picture of former USC Trojan Carson Palmer...uh, just look at it for yourself.

* And finally, Jason Simmons is the shit. He played safety next to Fright Night Freedman in the mid/late 1990's, and luckily none of the evil rubbed off on him. Rather than make money on new teammate Ahman Green's desire to wear Simmons' #30, he told Green that he would have to donate the money to a needy single mother in the form of a down payment on a new home.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Learning new things

In the abysmal absence of football news, I find myself reading more abot the baseball Sun Devils than ever before. There is a great article by Jeff Metcalfe in today's AZ Republic about the upcoming seres with UA that will determine the Pac-10 title. This little tidbit is what caught my eye:

Tuesday is the 40th anniversary of what is widely regarded as the greatest ASU-UA baseball game.In a playoff for the 1967 Western Athletic Conference Southern Division title in front of 8,314 Phoenix Municipal Stadium, ASU's Gary Gentry pitched a 15-inning complete game on two days' rest in a 3-2 ASU win.

The Sun Devils went on to win the second of their five national titles.

I feel this stat bears repeating: 15-INNING COMPLETE GAME. Not only did Gentry go 15, but he only gave up two runs. Even Nolan Ryan is impresed, and that's not just the bourbon and advil talking.

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Monday, May 21, 2007


Your Co-(at least) Pac-10 Champs

Congrats to the ASU baseball team for sweeping defending national champs Oregon State in Corvallis this weekend, locking down at least a tie for the Pac-10 regular season championship. All the Devils have to do to clinch is win one out of three at home this weekend against U of A, who will undoubtedly have upset on their minds. Self-congratulations should probably be kept to a minimum considering the history of this rivalry (see Cecil, Chuck: 1986.), but at the very least it's good to see the Sun Devils peaking at the right time, having swept the Beavers and UCLA on consecutive weekends. If UA somehow sweeps ASU this weekend, the Devils and Cats would tie for the Pac-10 title so nothing can be taken lightly.

In a somewhat related story, ASU softball advanced to a super regional to be held in Tempe. Um, yay? Sorry but I just can't get too excited about softball. Even in May. Supposedly golf, track, and gymnastics are good too, but who has time?

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Thursday, May 17, 2007


The scandalous conclusion

So here we are, the nitty gritty of the finest embarrassments ASU has to offer. Like the hippie olympics, it really doesn't matter who wins since they're all losers. For good measure, let's take roll one last time:

Honorable Mention: Courtney Simpson and Eddie House
#11: Courtney Jackson
#10: Bryson Krueger
#9: Ryan Kealy
#8: Connor Banks
#7: JR Redmond
#6: Hakim Hill
#5: Barry Bonds
#4: UAC student section (basketball, 1984-1988)

And without further adieu, the top criminals in the history of Arizona State University.

Honorable mention part III: the military industrial complex, 2004-present. They murdered Pat Tillman and lied to cover it up. Not much to say since more facts come to light each day. Is a government worth preserving when it lies to it's people?

Somewhat ironic thet they're seen here together.

#3: Mitchell "Fright Night" Freedman, football, 1994-1998. First, watch this. That's how he played all the time. Mean, crazy, and angry. Unfortunately that's also how he lived his life. Freedman is the only player on this list that gets his nickname on the subject line because it fits him so well, as Orson from EDSBS will attest. He once hit a BYU player so hard that both Freedman and the Mormon went to the hosptal after the game, and I have been told by those in attendance that he was screaming while running towards the victim. Where to begin? Well, how about this snippet from the AZ Republic:

Mitchell Dehaven Freedman, 30, a safety who earned the nickname "Fright Night" because of the ferocity of his tackles, was found guilty of 15 counts, including five counts of sexual assault, four counts of sexual abuse, kidnapping, aggravated assault and armed robbery. He could face more than 100 years in prison for the sexual assault charges alone.

And then he still faces trial on two other rape cases, one from 2003 and one that allegedly took place in 1992, when Freedman was 16.

Yikes. What's even scarier is that he wasn't even tried for the rapes that happened when he was a minor "because he was already going away for so long." I...I don't really know what else to say here. It's hard to imagine but his prison sentence may be longer than Loren Wade's after all is said and done.

#2 Stevin Smith, Basketball, 1991-1994. You knew it was coming, and why shouldn't it top the list? Smith, nicknamed "Hedake" by his teammates, orchestrated a point shaving scandal in 1994 that espn will never let die. Isaac Burton shouldn't be getting off lightly either, but Smith seems to be the main guy everyone remembers, probably since he was such an effective player when he wasn't, you know, cheating.

The scandal started when Smith got into cahoots with the now famous campus bookie Benny Silman. Smith was allegedly in debt to him for over $10,000, and the two plotted to beat Oregon State by six or fewer points when the Devils were favored by 14 1/2. It worked and managed to line both of their pockets quite well. The exact same plan was employed two days later against Oregon State, and the Devils once again won by 6.

The final straw was the day of a game against Washington, after Smith and Silman began to gloat about their recent financial successes. The word spread quickly, and heavy betting ensued- so much so, in fact, that the line on the game changed 40 times that day and Vegas oddsmaker Roxy Roxborough pulled the game from the betting board, the first time he had done so in his 15-year career. The FBI was notified, but the investigations didn't take place until 1997, enough time for Smith, Burton, and then head coach Bill Frieder to leave the scene of the crime. The fallout landed squarely on those left to continue ASU men's basketball.

Hedake (misspelled on purpose to fit on the vanity plate of his car) did 10 months in federal prison, but the stink of the scandal still hasn't completely lifted from ASU. His 10 months isn't so bad considering Silman got four years, but Silman also got a tv-movie deal out of it. Whenever ASU basketball is mentioned, point-shaving is typically associated with it. I suppose that's better than "sucks," but still defaming. It is the black eye that will never heal.

#1: Loren Wade, football, 2002-2004. The official site has removed his player bio from their archives, and rightfully so. What kind of a school do we have when players are murdering former teammates, outside of a club no less? The arguement started one night in Scottsdale and was reportedly about a girl. As Brandon Falkner was pulling away, Wade fired a fatal shot into the driver's side window of his car. While this is sickening as a Sun Devil, the societal ills it brings to light are equally alarming. There are no winners here: the Falkner family is burdened with overwhelming grief, ASU has been sued, Koetter was blamed for a lack of control, and Wade will be imprisoned for life. A truly sad moment for anyone involved.

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The son of scandals

We're taking a break from admonishing football players today, but it's amazing how many of the names on this list have come from the gridiron. Maybe that huffy, overly academic and damn proud of it econ professor of yours was right about football being barbaric and mind numbing. Screw him. As the great James Caan once said, "when was the last time 80,000 fans showed up to watch a damn chemistry experiment?!" Speaking of old professors, can anyone tell me if Dr. Fuchs is still teaching chemistry at ASU? He's nothing like the fictional prof mentioned above, but he was 100-something years old when I had him in 1998. He's actually a really nice guy who goes to a lot of ASU baseball games- I'll go out on a limb and call him the Frank Kush of chemistry, having received his PhD from Arizona State College in 1936. Sidetracked? Apologies.

The Sun Devil embarrassment list continues, but not before seeing who else is already on it.

Honorable mention: Courtney Simpson and Eddie House
#11: Courtney Jackson
#10: Bryson Krueger
#9: Ryan Kealy
#8: Connor Banks
#7: JR Redmond
#6: Hakim Hill

And away we go...

#5: Barry Bonds, Baseball, 1982-1986. Ahhh, now we're getting somewhere. For every ounce of pride I have when thinking that a Sun Devil will hold the most revered individual record in all of sports, there are five ounces of shame. Bonds' "achievement" (note spooky quotes) will tarnish Hank Aaron, the game of baseball, and eventually the Hall of Fame. One can argue that everyone else in baseball is doing it, but Bonds, along with McGwire, will be at the top of the memory list 50 years from now when folks begin reminiscing about the steroid era.

The tricky part of all of this is that there isn't any real proof. Bonds could be higher on the list if we actually knew he was using steroids, but then again he might not be. Part of what has made this story a circus is all of the mystery that surrounds it, dragging out exhaustive speculation. The only way this thing will ever end is if the truth comes out. Think about it- people still want to know who shot JFK, where Amelia Earhart is, and what happened to the Lindbergh baby. This will stand the test of time as well.

I'm a staunch believer in a man being innocent until proven guilty, but c'mon. Look at these pictures:

These are actually the same person.

Sorry, Barry, I'm not buying what you're selling- unless you get traded to the Cubs. On a side note, the University is apparently ignoring the swirling rumors because the official site has a ton of information on Bonds and the chase for Aaron's record, including a few more (incriminating)pictures from Bonds' ASU days.

#4: Student Section, University Activity Center, 1984-1988. Anybody who has ever read this site knows my passionate hatred for the University of Arizona and everything it represents, but it is possible to go too far. UA shooting guard Steve Kerr's father was murdered in 1984 while he was the president of the American University in Beirut, and Kerr didn't receive the warmest welcome in his first trip back to the hardwood.

There's a lot of conflicting information on the exact timeline of events, but Tucson legend will tell you that two days after the murder Steve cried before a game against ASU in Tempe but took the floor anyway. Rather than a warm reception, he was welcomed by chants of PLO! PLO! PLO!, not to mention other slurs such as Where's your dad? and Go back to Beirut! Kerr responded by dropping 20 first-half points on the Devils in yet another rout of ASU.

Having been to more than my fair share of ASU/UA basketball games, I'm positive that this actually happened, the only conflicts in the story are when it happened. Whle the murder happened in '84, the 20-point first half happened in '88. My personal guess is that the jeering happened all four times Kerr took the floor in Tempe. Not that I condone it or anything, that's just my experience with the locals.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007


An open letter to Herb Sendek

Dear Herb,

This is our goal. Make Wells Fargo Arena look like this. Let me know what I can do to help.


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Scandals, etc.

The list continues today with the top ten scandals not nearly as bad as the Brandon Faulkner tragedy/Loren Wade embarrassment. Here's what we have so far:

Honorable mention: Courtney Simpson & Eddie House
#11: Courtney Jackson
#10: Bryson Krueger
#9: Ryan Kealy
#8: Connor Banks

...and so on. We're sticking with the gridiron once again today since I can't seem to be able to dig up any dirt on Grace Park or Paul Casey. Away we go!

#7: JR Redmond, football, 1995-1999. I actualy heard this story two days before it broke from a good friend that worked at Sun Devil Stadium. It's a weird one, so stick with me. It was announced on a Friday that Redmond wouldn't play in the following day's matchup against the Oregon Ducks, a game that had serious implications on the Pac-10 race. Redmond's girlfriend worked for the University and, as most relationships go, bought her boyfriend presents, did his laundry, etc. Redmond's draft stock rose throughout his career and he was projcted to go in the late first/early second round of the upcoming NFL Draft.

The girlfriend was well aware of this and threatened to report all of the girlfriendly things she had done (and kept reciepts for) to the NCAA unless Redmond married her without a pre-nuptial agreement. A university employee is prohibited by the NCAA from giving gifts to student-athletes, and the bitch wanted to be legally tied to the millions Redmond was projected to make in the NFL.

The not-so-happy couple went to Las Vegas during the bye week, got a shotgun wedding, and returned to Tempe with dollar signs in her eyes. Redmond finally broke down and told Coach Snyder the gory details, so Snyder suspended him a game just for good measure and he reported everything that happened to the NCAA himself. The wedding was anulled and to my knowledge the bitch didn't get a cent after Redmond went pro. Redmond wasn't able to shake the stink of the scandal by draft day and he eventualy went to the New England Patriots in the third round, where he won a world championship and was an integral part of the game-winning drives of both Super Bowl XXXVI and the "snow bowl" AFC Championship that preceeded it.

This is so high on the list because JR Redmond is one of my all-time favorite Sun Devils and an absolute badass.

#6: Hakim Hill, football, 2001-2003. In a football-serious college town like Iowa City, it's surprising when the home school doesn't recruit a talented, decorated, and successful local athlete but hey, it takes a special person to get banned from a country. Hill was recruited by Dirk Koetter, most likely due to alumni pressure since his father happens to be ASU legend JD Hill. Hill's recruitment was altered due to rape charges he picked up in high school, but that's only the beginning, as his rap sheet is longer than anyone else on this list. Koetter kicked him off the team for punching teammate Matt Miller following a loss to Arizona. A lot of people wanted to punch Miller in the face after dropping a pass on the goal line that sealed the loss, but people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones as Hill himself fumbled on the goal line that awful, awful day, not that I'm bitter or anything.

Hill's problems include multiple DUI's, stealing paintball equipment, bribing cops, fighting cops, the aforementioned charge of raping a 15 year-old in a classroom, along with some drunk and disorderly conduct. He has been booted off the team at both ASU and Northern Iowa, plus Toronto and Saskatchewan of the CFL. Add to that, he has tarnished the image of one of ASU's all-time greats. He was part of one of ASU's deepest backfields since 1996, including the foursome of Hakim Hill, Randy Hill, Cornell Canidate, and- you guessed it- Loren Wade. A year later, those four were arrested, injured, injured, and arrested, so Rudy Burgess converted from WR to fill the void and asserted his badassery at running back.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007


ASU Scandals, continued

No, not the halftime bar upstairs from Julio's Too. You're thinking of Fumbles. Not the skeezy local bar on Tybee Island, either. Today we continue our countdown of ten ASU scandals not quite as bad as the Loren Wade/Brandon Faulkner situation.

Honorable mention part II: Eddie House, basketball, 1995-1999. Best joke on campus in the fall of 1997: Hey, did you know that Eddie House leads the team in steals? He got a CD player, a bike, a car...yada yada yada. House stole a CD player from a freshman girl's Manzanita dorm room, but he doesn't crack the top ten as this was merely an exclamation point at the end of the Bill Frieder era at ASU. More on this later in the week, but Bill Frieder's legacy lived on even after the FBI chased him out.

#9: Ryan Kealy, football, 1996-2000. A guy that will go down as one of the most hated football players in ASU history, Kealy was known on the field for sailing passes, ruptured knee tendons, and a quality of play that actually got worse as time went on. Off the field, he was known to be a drunken moron, a man-whore, and a big fan of the booger sugar. At parties, fellow players were known to make fun of him- not exactly what you want to hear about a team leader. Kealy was pulled over in the middle of the intersection of Rio Salado Parkway and Packard Drive, barefoot, drunk, and hopped up on pain killers from yet another knee surgery. When the cop approached the vehicle and gave the standard line of questioning, Kealy offered this classic quote: "I ain't trippin'. I got a good lawyer. My dad is a big baller. Let's go, let's roll." Kealy planned to apply for a 6th year of eligibility, but the newly hired Dirk Koetter told him not to bother as he wouldn't be allowed on the team.

#8: Connor Banks, football, 2001-2004. In April 2004 Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan and was immediately dubbed an American hero for the sacrifices he made to defend his country. Banks wore number 42 at the time, and even though plans had been made to retire Tillman's #42 at season's end, Banks would be allowed to wear it during his senior season and he would also lead the team out of the tunnel before each game while carrying the American flag. Here's the quote from Banks regarding the honor:
"I feel so much pride for what he has done for the community and this nation. For him to give up his football career and go overseas to fight for his country and fight for what he feels is right is a great thing for the nation."
In June 2004, less than two months after the aforementioned incidents, Banks was arrested for DUI, criminal damage, driving across a median, and striking a fixture on the highway. He blew a .27 BAC and was so drunk that he drove his SUV into his Scottsdale apartment building. Banks had a lackluster senior year while wearing jersey number 58.

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Monday, May 14, 2007


You call that a scandal?

With the Loren Wade trial coming at the lowest of low points of college athletics offseason (what's a baseball?), I'll be ignoring the whole negative PR-fest with all of my might. The Arizona Republic will mention Arizona State University twice as many times as the tragically slain Brandon Faulkner, something the school definitely doesn't need given its sketchy record over the last decade or so.

What trial?

What ASU really needs is a Wag The Dog-style distraction of epic proportions to keep this thing buried in the back of the paper. I can't say I'm rooting for a terrorist attack or anything, even though it was effective when my fraternity got kicked off campus thanks to a drunk driver- not that you ever heard about it since it happened during the first week of September 2001.

In the spirit of black eyes for ASU, I've compiled a small list of scandals in the 85281. None of them are as bad as a player killing a former teammate, but it didn't take more than a single sitting to come up with #'s 2-11. We'll do a couple of them at a time, just so you Sun Devil diehards have something to read other than Wade's affiliation with ASU and Dirk Koetter's percieved lack of institutional control. Without further adieu...

Honorable mention: Courtney Simpson. Ex-ASU cheerleader goes porno in dashing style, making her professional debut in her ASU cheer uniform. No reason to beat this dead horse, especially since the M-Zone mentions her at least once a week.

#11: Courtney Jackson, football, 1996-1999. The scapegoat of the 1997 Rose Bowl, sure, but this tale isn't as well known as that debacle. Like the last minute breakdown against Ohio State, however, Jackson had accomplices. In the spring of 1998 a friend of mine, who we'll call Nate, came down with a case of the crabs. He got them from the supreme queen of jizz-jars of Sonora Hall, who claims to have gotten them from Jackson. You would have thought David Boston burned them all off the previous January, but oh no. Not a news story, sure, but still funny. Everyone needs another reason to hate Courtney Jackson. Disagree? Just check out this photo. That's ASU's national championship in Boston's hands.

#10: Bryson Krueger, men's basketball, 2004-2006. This is a lot lower on the list than it probably ought to be, but it stays at ten since absolutely no one gives a hoot about ASU hoops. The upcoming basketball season was looking bright with the firing of Rob Evans and a starting backcourt of Kevin Kruger and Bryson Krueger. Kevin transferred to UNLV and led them to the sweet sixteen, but Bryson's fate was not so sweet. He was arrested last March for possession of Ex, Coke, Zanex, and an unregistered .40-cal handgun. Again, this is a big deal for a hometown athlete who could be considered a standout on a divison-1 basketball team, but it's ASU basketball. In 2005-2006, the Devils could hardly be considered D-1.

The list continues this week with DUI's, theft, and other federal charges. Stay tuned!

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Friday, May 04, 2007


UofA atop the BCS! terms of scholarships revoked. Ha. Ha. Ha.

The Wildcats lose four scholarships for low APR scores, a mathematical formula as complicated as the BCS that determines if athletes are making efforts as student-athletes. While UofA loses four football scholarships, ASU football actually improved their score. Fear not, Tucson faithful: you don't have that far to fall since you're already at the bottom. This most recent revokation brings their total to seven lost scholi's over the last two years, a penalty they're blaming on former coach John Mackovic. (Still? Yes, still.) Tempe's favorite coach since since Frank Kush takes the heat since graduation rates are factored in, and the player exodus his incompetence caused three years ago affects this year's score. They are the only BCS conference school to lose any scholarships, and they are fourth overall behind NAU, Temple, and San Jose State- a team coached by former head wildcat Dick Tomey. That Tucson filth just doesn't wash off.

Four! Four scholarships revoked! Ah ah ah!

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but what's done is done and I'm not apologizing. ASU basketball remains in the APR red and scholis were lost last year, but they have been restored and all things are looking up with Herb at the helm. The Sun Devil hoopsters actually scored lower than UA football, but there's this sneaky little factor in the formula known as "team size adjustment" that adjusts the severity of other factors to prevent heavy influence by statistical outliers. Sorry kitties, you lose again, but you're used to that sort of thing by now.

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007


A statement from Chad Green's mother


Statement from Kay Green, Chad Green's Mother
Green's condition has stabilized enough for him to be transported to Southern California

April 30, 2007

"I would like to thank Chad's ASU coaches, teammates, fans and friends for all of their support during this difficult time. That support has meant a lot to our family. Chad's condition has stabilized enough for us to transport him to a step-down facility in California near our home. Chad continues to gradually improve and with your support we are all hopeful for continued improvement in his condition. We urge people who want to send something to Chad to continue to forward it to the Sun Devil Football Office. That correspondence means a lot to the Green family. Thank you."

Anyone interested in sending a card or a note to Chad and the Green family, please send it to:

Chad Green c/o The Sun Devil Football Office Arizona State University The Carson Center P.O. Box 872505 Tempe, Arizona, 85287-2505

We're all rooting for you, Chad.

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