Monday, May 14, 2007


You call that a scandal?

With the Loren Wade trial coming at the lowest of low points of college athletics offseason (what's a baseball?), I'll be ignoring the whole negative PR-fest with all of my might. The Arizona Republic will mention Arizona State University twice as many times as the tragically slain Brandon Faulkner, something the school definitely doesn't need given its sketchy record over the last decade or so.

What trial?

What ASU really needs is a Wag The Dog-style distraction of epic proportions to keep this thing buried in the back of the paper. I can't say I'm rooting for a terrorist attack or anything, even though it was effective when my fraternity got kicked off campus thanks to a drunk driver- not that you ever heard about it since it happened during the first week of September 2001.

In the spirit of black eyes for ASU, I've compiled a small list of scandals in the 85281. None of them are as bad as a player killing a former teammate, but it didn't take more than a single sitting to come up with #'s 2-11. We'll do a couple of them at a time, just so you Sun Devil diehards have something to read other than Wade's affiliation with ASU and Dirk Koetter's percieved lack of institutional control. Without further adieu...

Honorable mention: Courtney Simpson. Ex-ASU cheerleader goes porno in dashing style, making her professional debut in her ASU cheer uniform. No reason to beat this dead horse, especially since the M-Zone mentions her at least once a week.

#11: Courtney Jackson, football, 1996-1999. The scapegoat of the 1997 Rose Bowl, sure, but this tale isn't as well known as that debacle. Like the last minute breakdown against Ohio State, however, Jackson had accomplices. In the spring of 1998 a friend of mine, who we'll call Nate, came down with a case of the crabs. He got them from the supreme queen of jizz-jars of Sonora Hall, who claims to have gotten them from Jackson. You would have thought David Boston burned them all off the previous January, but oh no. Not a news story, sure, but still funny. Everyone needs another reason to hate Courtney Jackson. Disagree? Just check out this photo. That's ASU's national championship in Boston's hands.

#10: Bryson Krueger, men's basketball, 2004-2006. This is a lot lower on the list than it probably ought to be, but it stays at ten since absolutely no one gives a hoot about ASU hoops. The upcoming basketball season was looking bright with the firing of Rob Evans and a starting backcourt of Kevin Kruger and Bryson Krueger. Kevin transferred to UNLV and led them to the sweet sixteen, but Bryson's fate was not so sweet. He was arrested last March for possession of Ex, Coke, Zanex, and an unregistered .40-cal handgun. Again, this is a big deal for a hometown athlete who could be considered a standout on a divison-1 basketball team, but it's ASU basketball. In 2005-2006, the Devils could hardly be considered D-1.

The list continues this week with DUI's, theft, and other federal charges. Stay tuned!

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