Friday, November 03, 2006
Friday Night Blight
At halftime of the Air Force/Army game, President George W. Bush called the AFA locker room and spoke to head coach Fisher DeBerry. While the actual conversation is unknown due to Jack Bauer-types of anti-bugging technology, reliable sources have informed tHOH of roughly what was said. Enjoy this last post, as Secret Service agents are undoubtedly outside of my front door right now...
Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, this is the president speaking.
DeBerry: I'm honored! Are you calling to congratulate the team on their impressive first half?
Dubya: No. It seems that our soldiers in Iraq, predominantly army soldiers, are incredibly disheartened and desertions are at an all-time high. For the sake of national defense and our fight against terrorism, call of the boys. Give the Cadets a few easy ones, and at least make the folks in Vegas turn the game back on. I mean, this is really embarassing for West Point.
DeBerry: Uhhh... who is this? That you Bill? You crazy sumbitch, I'm trying to coach here! Pulling my crank like that, who the he-
Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, I assure you that this IS the president. Look outside of your window right.......now! [at this moment, a UFO comes out of nowhere to blow an F-18 Tomcat out of the sky]
DeBerry: Holy shit! Errr, ummm, uhhhh, my sincerest apologies SIR!
Dubya: No need for all that fancy stuff there, just ease it up a bit, Fisher.
DeBerry: SIR YES SIR! [both hang up] Fuckin' Yalie daddy's boy. He hasn't seen any war time since Laura went on prozac.
Apologies for all of this, but this game is boring as shit, and the blowout last night between two "top five" teams didn't help. I should have gone out drinking instead, but I actually need to be "productive" tomorrow morning. Fucking responsibilities. Wow, Army scored. Now it's 43-7 with under 2 to go. Any chance they try to pull an onside kick? Pussies. Hopefully more to come tomorrow, but the schedule isn't looking too bright considering College Gameday is in College Station for Texas A&M/Oklahoma and Chris Fowler is taking the week off (for the first time in 16 years) to do horse racing commentary. I need you tomorrow, LSU/Tennessee!
Are you not entertained?!
Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, this is the president speaking.
DeBerry: I'm honored! Are you calling to congratulate the team on their impressive first half?
Dubya: No. It seems that our soldiers in Iraq, predominantly army soldiers, are incredibly disheartened and desertions are at an all-time high. For the sake of national defense and our fight against terrorism, call of the boys. Give the Cadets a few easy ones, and at least make the folks in Vegas turn the game back on. I mean, this is really embarassing for West Point.
DeBerry: Uhhh... who is this? That you Bill? You crazy sumbitch, I'm trying to coach here! Pulling my crank like that, who the he-
Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, I assure you that this IS the president. Look outside of your window right.......now! [at this moment, a UFO comes out of nowhere to blow an F-18 Tomcat out of the sky]
DeBerry: Holy shit! Errr, ummm, uhhhh, my sincerest apologies SIR!
Dubya: No need for all that fancy stuff there, just ease it up a bit, Fisher.
DeBerry: SIR YES SIR! [both hang up] Fuckin' Yalie daddy's boy. He hasn't seen any war time since Laura went on prozac.
Apologies for all of this, but this game is boring as shit, and the blowout last night between two "top five" teams didn't help. I should have gone out drinking instead, but I actually need to be "productive" tomorrow morning. Fucking responsibilities. Wow, Army scored. Now it's 43-7 with under 2 to go. Any chance they try to pull an onside kick? Pussies. Hopefully more to come tomorrow, but the schedule isn't looking too bright considering College Gameday is in College Station for Texas A&M/Oklahoma and Chris Fowler is taking the week off (for the first time in 16 years) to do horse racing commentary. I need you tomorrow, LSU/Tennessee!
Are you not entertained?!Labels: anecdotal evidence, I'm witty, regular old crackers
