The House Of Heat

That don't matter to the jesus. I'm gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday, Woooo!!!!

Eh, bye weeks. My typical level of passion is off compared to usual Saturdays in the fall, but at least I did a few loads of laundry, cooked up a monster pot of chili, did a little cleaning around the house, and even went running. Yay me, especially since I completed all of the above while watching ELEVEN+ STRAIGHT HOURS of college fooball. (I figured it was ok to miss the second quarter of the USC-Kentucky game to run two miles, and I was back and showered before the 8:00 kickoffs) Here's a quick smattering of observations and snarky remarks regarding today's ongoings.

* Yeah, I stll hate Texas, thanks for asking. Paul Thompson is quickly joining the short list of suckass quarterbacks I'd love to beat the shit out of in a dark alley. You listening, Rudy? Add to that, Bob Stoops' playcalling was as genius as brother Mikey's against LSU.

* The all-time greatest background sign was seen on espn's College Gameday this morning. It said "Corso [picture of a heart]'s [picture of male genitalia]; look for a screenshot on EDSBS soon. Speaking of those jort-wearing jokers, one of the commenters noted that there was a cop pre-screening any signs that might get on camera, but the creator used a dry-erase board. Sheer genius. (Well, that didn't take long...link)

* Minnesota's color scheme looks a lot like that of ASU, and another trait the two teams have in common is that they both blow leads in big games against teams they should beat at home. I mean, who misses an extra point in overtime, really?

* Arkansas has a bear of a running attack (both McFadden and Jones eclipsed the 100 yard mark), not to mention one of those freaky former basketball players at wide receiver, although he's sorely underutilized. Props for beating the #2 team in the nation in their house.

* Speaking of basketball players, average-at-best shooting guard Jordan Kent is playing wide receiver for the Oregon Ducks, and ABC made sure to let all of us know that his head b-ball coach papa Ernie, the Rob Evans of the northwest, was watching him lose from the stands. (Funny side note: while looking for a story to link Rob Evans, this headline was the 5th link provided by Google. Totally different guy, but awfully apropos.)

* Stanford is now 0-6, and there is a good chance that I was wong with my preseason surprise pick. Whoopsie daisy.

* The University of Virginia lost again, this time to East Carolina by a score of 31-21. It's a good thing that they're above a mind-numbing game like football, otherwse Al Groh might be on the hot seat.

* Oregon is getting worked like a part-time job in Berkeley. The Bears are sporting uniforms that are actually uglier than Oregon's, something previously thought to be mathematically impossible, and it appears to be throwing Dennis Dixon's game off. It makes me feel a little better about ASU getting their asses handed to them by Cal, but it gives me shivers and makes me want to drink thinking about their performance against the Ducks.

* Pac-10 officials have managed to job yet another undeserving team. The Washington Huskies were driving against turbo-overrated USC with a chance to win, and one of the refs was late in spotting the ball while the clock was running. The Dawgs should have had one last play from the Trojan 20-yard line, but time expired and they were denied. Boo, zebras. I think it speaks volumes when USC has to use some fake punt trickeration to beat U-Dub.

* Georgia head coach Mark Richt, a former Florida State offensive coordinator, looks a hell of a lot like Tommy Bowden, only with botox and a fake-bake. Hey Bobby, is there anything Mrs. Richt needs to know about?

* In related news, this team wearing red and black and calling themselves "Georgia" can't possbly be the same group of young men who have been playing between the hedges since early September. How does a team that, over five games, gave up a total of 34 points, allow 51 to Tennessee in Athens? Even more bizarre, the same squad that scored 18, 14, and 14 against their three respective BCS conference opponents drop 33 (24 in the 1st half) against the Vols? There's trickery afoot, I tell you.

* U of A loses again, as UCLA gets a bit of revenge for last year's coma in Tucson. Woohoo! As bad as ASU has played over the last two weeks, their record is still better than that of the kitties; I keep telling myself that it really could be worse. Word on the internet is that Arizona wonderboy QB Willie Tuitama was knocked out of the game in the 2nd quarter due to yet another solid blow to the head. He's already suffered a concussion this year, and while I would never wish injury upon anyone (well, maybe them) the kittycat offense can't take too many steps backwards. They're averaging less than eight points a game vs. D-1 opponents, which I guess is ok. Oh wait, we're not talking about baseball! They're on pace to get their standard three wins per season under Stoops (at best), and let's just hope they get that last one before Thanksgiving. Here's the post-game quote from Mikey, and I think it was really nice of the AP writer (quote taken from uclabruins.com) to edit out all of the standard "ummms," "errrrs," and "duuuuhhhs."

Well, we're just not good. Right now, we're just not good enough to win a game, and that's where we're at. We did good things at times, but we're not consistent enough, and you need to be [consistent] to win. We got in holes, and we're not good enough to overcome them right now. It's frustrating, but I'm proud of these players. It may sound trivial, but the kids were prepared and did some good things. It was a bad choice to do the onside kick, but we wanted to try to gain momentum. It just didn't work. We put them in short-field situations, making it easy to score. Our defense wasn't good enough to stop them. Our defense could not get consistent pressure on the quarterback, and we couldn't cover a lot of their pass and misdirection plays. On offense, we threw the ball decently and had some nice plays. We did well with the pass, and our production was better. But, I'm still concerned with our run game. We're all disappointed, but I like how we came to play. We just got beat by the better team.

Ha! Can't wait to see how the red and blue faithful spin this one. Goodnight errybody!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, I'm a big fatass, movie references, regular old crackers, rivalry rants