The House Of Heat

Some special thanks and commendations are in order regarding Saturday's trip to Tucson. Expect a completely different post regarding the actual game within a day or so.

The Goose officially holds the title of the patron saint of less drunk than the rest of us. Thanks for driving, big guy. You truly are a gentlemen.

Tommy did a kegstand... in the back of a moving vehicle. He did a lot more- 20 or so- but that first one was special for its physics/law defying grandeur. Also note that he woke up drunk on Saturday and was still toasted when we hit the road that morning, adding style and difficulty points. That should make up for the last three he attempted when he promptly fell on his face.


The tailgate lot at the intersection of Speedway and Cherry was a good mix of ASU and UA fans, with the latter being surprisingly cordial. The ASU fans were obviously better looking, in greater numbers, better drinkers, cooks and tailgaters, but I was seriously shocked at how nice the kitties were this year. I had more than one civil conversations regarding the game, the rivalry as a whole, and life in general with folks wearing red, and I even posed for a picture with one. I subtly gave the guy the finger in the photo, but that's neither here nor there.

In another instance, one UA chick showed up and was mouthy out of the gate, even stooping so low as to drop the "when was the last time you got laid?" smack. A response of "six hours before my flight" shut her up, but she returned for what appeared to be more when out of nowhere she gave me a hug. She apologized for her earlier actions, wished us a good game, and went back to her lawn chair and cooler. Less than a half-hour later she fell over drunk and was put into the car by her boyfriend who promptly drove her away. We're pretty sure she didn't make it to the game, and we all wished for a camcorder when her face hit asphalt.

We were seated in front of several guys in red/blue face paint for the game all the while hoping we weren't going to be sent to jail for assault, especially after the stories I've heard about Mexican jail. We took our seats and stood early and often with excitement as ASU rattled off big play after big play, and we eventually just stayed up awaiting the standard "down in front" heckle. It never came to my surprise as the painted men simply stood behind us in silence, as 33 rushing yards will do that to a fan. Trust me, I know. Again, cordial UA fans? I don't believe it either and am seriously considering researching the gluttonous consumption of copious amounts of alcohol and its short term effects on hearing. Look for it in the January/February edition of JAMA.

The much maligned and oft picked-on Keno Walter-White is a pretty f'ing cool guy. As we were about to leave our perch above the ASU players' tunnel KWW popped out of nowhere with the Territorial Cup. In a drunken slur I asked to hold it with the certainty that I would be declined but he responded with a "Hell yeah!" Shocked as I was, I reverted to my roots as a hockey player by lifting the silver vessel high, then kissing it. One of the team trainers was cordial enough to get Keno, the cup, and the rest of us in a group photo. Yay us, and shame on the rest of the group for heading to the car.
Tommy managed to evade a small mass of police officers and jump the fence on to the field, and he was able to go all over the place without being too conspicuous. If you review the game film, look for him popping over the shoulder of MVP Ryan Torain during his post-game interview.

The aforementioned Tommy received a hero's welcome when we got back to te tailgate lot. Aparently some folks had been so impressed with his, er, drunkedness that they waited there to say goodbye and good luck. I didn't even bother to ask why.

On the drive home we listened to the radio broadcast of ASU's stunning basketball victory over Iowa. We pulled into Casa Grande for dinner and announced the win to a restaurant filled with gold t-shirts and the place erupted. There may be something building at WFA, now if we can just get some people to go to the games the Sun Devil hoopsters may really get rolling.

I don't have a single complaint about the entire trip. No one got arrested or hurt, which is always a positive. It was a truly stunning day to watch ASU claim it's sixth Territorial Cup in eight years. Thanks to all who to contributed.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, hoops, I miss college, I'm a big fatass, rivalry rants, tailgating, UA morons

U of A fans will make any excuse possible, so I just wanted to warn everyone about the "cheap shot" blather that ought to be spewing as I speak. I'm still vibrating from Saturday. ASU doubles up UA, and to top it off the Sun Devil hoops squad pulls the upset against Iowa. As if that's not enough, after the game I KISSED THE TERRITORIAL CUP. Yeah, lips on copper. Or silver. Yeah, I think it was silver. Photos forthcoming, as soon as I get home to the Commonwealth. The point is, ASU has now taken The Cup to it's rightful home at Sun Devil Stadium in six of the last eight opportunities. Barring poor judgement on the part of the selection committees, UA will be kept from a bowl game for the eighth consecutive season. Booya Devils. Booya, indeed.

As for the trip to the unholy land that is Tucson, all went better than what could have ever been imagined; the red and blue were surprisingly cordial. We tailgated in the same lot that we did two years ago and the scene was totally different. I would assume that it has to do with a mutual respect for the opposition for once, despite the exception of a few. While ASU has been down, UA has been surprisingly up forcing us Devils to take notice and actually worry about the post-turkeybinge war. In recent years UA was sooooo bad (how bad were they!?) that their fans were limited to hating ASU rather than rooting on their own team. With the recent Stoops-based resurgence the redcoats have restored their interest in football and actually gave us a game while discussing the impending matchup using facts and statistics other than the standard mathematical formula that "ASU sucks." Yeah, that's us. Sucking all the way to victory. Again. Bitches.

I was chastised by fellow Devils for my cordial attitude towards the UA faithful on gameday, so much so that one of my best friends called his mom (she's another ASU grad) to ream me out over the phone. I'll explain my actions here as I did to Mrs. Lewis via cell phone: supreme confidence. I awoke on To'Saturday (that's what we're calling gameday now; I'm still used to referring to gameday as 'tomorrow' during Thanksgiving dinner and Saturday wasn't exactly rolling off the tongue just yet) with a feeling never present on rivalry day. I had no doubt or stress regarding that evening's instate battle; I KNEW we were going to win. I could feel that it was going to be a good day from the get-go, and the ASU defense made sure of it. Hooray, Devils! There will be a more in-depth breakdown of the game this week, this is merely a fanboy gush-piece. Fuck it all, WE BEAT U OF A!!!! Many have pondered the situational quandry of whether it would be better to win ten games a year or go 1-11 with our only win to be guaranteed against the Cats. Right now I would take the latter, but this is why I do not gamble.

The situation with apparently former coach Koetter will be addressed later, but for now I intend on basking in the warm glow of the SCOREBOARD! It will really be better with photos, but I had to get all of this off of the chest. Congrats to all Devils, and enjoy another 364 days of glory!

Enough reading and writing, SOAK UP THE VICTORY! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, hoops, rivalry rants, the new era, UA morons

Did anyone catch that shot of total stud Al Williams? A great video from a gret day. I awoke at 6 am, broke into a friend's house to steal a tap and then I carried a full keg up three flights of stairs. Included in the day's mayhem was my friend Bobby throwing a chair at a U of A fan and when the ushers arrived the kitty cat was the one thrown out thanks to a fraternity brother working the head of security position at Sun Devil Stadium.

Oh yeah, all that tomfoolery plus a 42-27 ASU victory. Both teams had identical 5-5 records heading into that one; we went bowling and they didn't. Let's keep that Tucson bowlless streak alive! Go Devils!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, rivalry rants, UA morons

Rivalry week. There should be enough venom spewed to fill the Colorado River as the teams head into Saturday's matchup with identical records for the first time since 2000, a game you may remember by PLACEKICKER Mike Barth's run up the middle for a touchdown. The red-blue bastards are playing for more than pride for the first time in he Bush administration, and that honestly scares the bejeezus out of me, especially since they've won three in a row and ASU seems to be in some sort of meltdown/quit-on-the-coach mode. We thought we were past that after taking care of business against Washington State, but 2006 reared it's ugly head again on Saturday night as the Devils fell to UCLA 24-12. Props to the Bruin run defense that lived up to all of the hype, stuffing ASU in the red zone more times than I care to remember, playing hard in the clutch when it really counted. Once again the Koetter offense displayed it's biggest flaw, displaying that a scheme predicated on stretching the defense downfield does little inside of the opponent's ten yard line. It's do or die time for Coach K: a win this weekend and you can crash here, but a loss means you gotta get yo shit and go. We'll discuss available coaching options should the need arise, but for now let's reminisce on a great Sun Devil rivalry moment- 1974, and "The Catch" by John Jefferson.

Labels: ASU alumni, Dirk's a horse's ass, rivalry rants, UA morons

It was Cal State-San Bernadino, but it was a win. Soak it up, since the over-under on W's this season is around ten. Who knew that the son of NBA announcer Steve "Snapper" Jones was on the ASU basketball team? Not me, until he went 4-5 from three-point range in Wednesday's Sun Devil victory. Let's go burn some couches! Wooooo!



* Terry Richardson is emulating Coach Koetter more and more each day. He was probable yesterday, now he's back to doubtful after complaining about pain in the knee that suffered a torn MCL several weeks ago. Sit out against the Bruins, I really don't care. I think there were too many WR's in the reglar rotation before all of the injuries struck, causing some of the inconsistencies that have plagued the Sun Devil passing attack this year. I want TR returning kicks in Tucson next weekend, above all else. I hate to see a kid miss his senior day, but there will be plenty of GOLD at Arizona Stadium on 11/25.

Yeah, that was fun. Let's do that again.

Labels: hoops, regular old crackers, rivalry rants, thug life

Holy crap. Yesterday's whimsical post was sliced and diced by UCLA blog Bruins Nation, especially in the comments section. They considered my comments regarding their email being "disturbing" to be a bit below the belt. I apologize to those that considered it a shock tactic, but I was expecting at least a little discussion regarding Saturday's game to compliment the list of links to DumpDorrell.com. I'm not interested in getting into a shouting match consisting of messages in caps lock punctuated with dozens of exclamation marks, but this comment needs rewarding:

Guys, I have it all figured out.
The owner of the blog lives in Richmond, VA.

That's enough for me to prove that I'm sure the guy is batsh*t crazy insane. That place is a like a Confederate funland amusement park, and with NASCAR.


by CAJason80 on Wed Nov 15, 2006 at 02:08:20 PM EST

Guilty.

Anyone who knows me personally will confirm the batsh*t crazy insanity, but I am fully aware that the Union won the war and I have NEVER attended a nascar event. I even have all of my teeth!

Oh, and I deserved to be called out on Bob Toledo. He was 49-32 at UCLA between 1996 and 2002 (that's after Terry Donohue), including a co-conference championship in 1998. Hell, that would get you a contract extension in Tempe. My only defense on that one is that I specifically used the term "remember." That, and the fact that I was in an alcoholic haze from 1997 to 2002. I even have a college degree to prove it.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, blog links, Pac-10 business

I received a rather disturbing email from a Bruin fan who started DumpDorrell.com, a feverishly angry site dedicated to firing UCLA's coach, despite posting a TEN WIN SEASON last year. And you thought I took it bad when we lost to U of A... sheesh. DD is caling this the "'Ass in the Ice Bucket' Fire Bowl," an appropriate title considering the loser may be surfing monster.com by Christmas.

The Bruins are in a tough spot as USC's whipping boy and the stress is starting to show. ASU hoops fans can attest to the frustration of absolute inferiority in the face of one's hated rival, but UCLA has the unfortunate burden of optimism. At least we know ASU basketball sucks and we expect routine beatings on Thursday and Saturday nights throughout the winter and spring, but somewhere along the line UCLA got it to their heads that they deserve more. They have certainly had better success than most Pac-10 teams historically, but how many Bruin head coaches can you name? I can only come up with two- Terry Donohue and apparent job seeker Karl Dorrell- the two most recent coaches. Why can't you just take your powerhouse basketball program and be satisfied? Florida has apparently ruined it for everyone.

I'm planning on doing another Q & A with the boys at BruinsNation, so if there are any questions you want answered leave them in the comments section. I'll also attempt a preview sometime this week, but it really comes down to one thing: which ASU team will show up?


They Play Other Sports At ASU?
Speaking of basketball, the Sendek ship has started it's voyage a wee bit off course, but that's okay. No one here is expecting jack or shit at Wells Fargo Arena this year (how have things changed?) as Herb Sendek tries to give birth to a basketball program. Note I use the term birth as opposed to revive- there's no past at ASU that needs to be brought up again, I don't care how nice of a guy Ned Wulk was. (RIP) Jut a reminder for you Wulk supporters, no one outside of 85281 knows who we're talking about. Last night's loss to NAU featured a few bright spots in an otherwise dismal preview of the months to come.

* There were students in attendance for a non-conference game for the first time since the mesozoic era.

* The announced attendance was 10,262. Spectators attest that there were far fewer butts in seats, but that will still look good in a box score. If Rob Evans was retained, that number would be in the 4,000 to 5,000 range. That, I assure you, is not a joke.

* The two best players on the court were true freshmen Jerren Shipp and Christian Polk, scoring 23 and 22 points, respectively. Some think that next year's studded recruiting class will actually create depth at the guard position. Eddie House sits stunned in New Jersey, I assure you.

* The new uniforms are simple and snazzy. Removing the gold trim from the white-maroon combination has done wonders.

Keep at it boys, it's going to be a long year.

OOOO! CFB Gossip!
Let's dish. There's a party tonight in Tallahassee as Jeff Bowden "resigns" his post of offensive coordinator at Florida State and bloggers everywhere are using quotation marks to make it look suspicious. While he was a successful coach at other schools before his dadgum daddy hired ol' Jeffy-poo on, his play calling left a lot to be desired and the stench finally reached the head coach's office. The reasonable guess is that enough pressure from the high dollar boosters was applied to FSU's athletic director and someone's head had to roll for a non-championship season. Lynchings would occur if Bobby were to leave his job by any means other than graceful retirement, (he will ALWAYS be loved in Tally) and his weight was probably enough to make things look nice by allowing Jeff to present the facade of moving on to bigger and better things. Peace and chicken grease, Jeff. It appears that FSU will go back to kicking the shit out of it's opponents by using the same 5-star athletes whose sucess you've been hindering.


***Random fun nugget!***
Here is a little something I posted on a message board regarding ASU's attendance woes for this season and many others like it. It some of my best work, and I know both of you loyal readers will appreciate it.

"I don't see why going to hang out with 70,000 of your best friends every week to drink, scream, and yell is such a chore. People go to church every week, and that's hardly exciting. I just don't get it. Nothing aginst Jesus, but if it were as cool as college football people would tailgate."

They really have it all in South Bend.

Labels: blog links, hoops, message board nonsense, Pac-10 business, regular old crackers

This is the team we all knew could be fielded in 2006. The same lights out offense coupled with a vastly improved defense. Dirk Koetter must have dusted off his Dalorean and cranked it up to 88 mph to bring the 2005 Rudy Carpenter and a few credible receivers back to the future, as the offense scored on all six of its first half possessions en route to a 47-14 victory. The D held WSU to a piddly 27 yards rushing and 192 overall. Even Jesse Ainsworth broke through his season-long slump making four field goals, including two from beyond 45 yards. Game balls for everybody!

In other exciting news, WAHOOWA!

Labels: hoops, rivalry rants

From a very reliable source...

A CHARTER PLANE CARRYING THE MARSHALL FOOTBALL TEAM HAD TO BE EVACUATED BEFORE TAKEOFF ON THE RUNWAY TODAY IN CEREDO, WEST VIRGINIA.

SMOKE WAS REPORTED IN THE ENGINE, BUT NO ONE WAS INJURED DURING THE EVACUATION.

THIS INCIDENT COMES ALMOST 36 YEARS TO THE DAY WHEN ALMOST ALL THE MARSHALL FOOTBALL TEAM WAS KILLED IN A PLANE CRASH ON NOVEMBER 14, 1970.

TODAY'S TEAM WAS TRAVELING TO EAST CAROLINA UNIVERSITY, THE SAME SCHOOL THE 1970 TEAM WAS COMING HOME FROM WHEN THEY CRASHED.

Dude... scary. You may be familiar with the story because of the new Matthew McConaughey vehicle We Are Marshall. Numerology is spooky, even if it doesn't pan out every time, like the whole years ending with "6" thing in the Pac-10.

Speaking of numerology, the Devils play the Washington State Cougars today in the middle of what is being hailed as "Champions Weekend." ASU will honor its 1986 and 1996 Pac-10 championship teams during halftime of Saturday's game, but here's the catch: neither of those teams beat Wazzu. Huh!? The '86 squad that finished 10-1-1 tied WSU while the '96 counterpart, although undefeated in the regular season, didn't play the Cougs that year. This does not look good for Devil fans, and I'm thinking that the stands won't look too good either. The program hasn't reached total apathy yet since everyone seems to want Dirk's head on a platter, but it's close. The fair weather folk of the valley have already turned to the Suns and ***gasp!*** ASU basketball's new regime, so don't expect more than 50,000 in attendance at kickoff. I haven't a clue as to what those people will see since I'm not really sure which ASU team will show up:

a.) the relentless team that poured it on against Nevada and Stanford
b.) the team that show fight and heart against USC and Washington
c.) The other one you may have seen against Oregon State, Oregon, and Cal.

I'm really worried that like many fans, the team has given up on Coach Koetter. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm glad it won't be televised.

Go Devils!

Thanks again Pat, and happy Veteran's Day.

Labels: ASU alumni, Dirk's a horse's ass, movie references

Q: Who was the last team to defeat the Rutgers Scarlet Knights?

A: The Arizona State Sun Devils.

I'm just sayin'.

Bravo to the boys from America's armit, and shame on me for leaving a bar with a plasma screen tv just to go to another bar that didn't have a tv at all. I can't believe I missed the second half, but the highlights are fantastic. Be sure to check out lucky-as-hell RU kicker Jeremy Ito point at the camera after his game winning kick. Nothing says "bad karma" like a kicker talking trash after making a kick from 28 yards out from the middle of the field, especially since he missed mere seconds before that and was saved by a defensive offsides penalty. Best of luck overcoming all of that bad juju next Saturday at Cincinnati, Jeremy. The magic 8-ball (is that a drug reference?) says to take the Bearcats and the points.

This brings up an interesting point: just how important is home field advantage in college football? Certainly nothing in the professional ranks comes close save the 1967 ice bowl in Green Bay; I think the only possible challenger is college basketball. (For those in Tempe unaware of this new sport, see link) Basketball is a game of finesse where the crowd can play a factor in disrupting the opponent, but football is an entirely different matter. The gridiron boasts a game played with passion, and 80,000 screaming drunks can inspire amd motivate men to do things that the players themselves might not have even thought possible. The vocal support displayed in a game of great magnitude can will a moderately talented team to victory, and anyone who has been in attendance at that big of a game will attest to this. A smattering of samples includes the 1996 ASU-Nebraska shutout game, Florida State at Virginia in 1995 (sorry Steph), and last night's big upset by Rutgers over Louisville. Any who went to those games will acknowledge an "electric feeling" that seemingly encompassed the stadiums on those magical nights, and they will also note the absence of it during most games.

You can't pull it off every week since an inebriated mass can't defy physics. The human psyche can't motivate in that manner every Saturday, just ask South Carolina. The Cocks are notorious for pulling huge crowds for huge games yet rarely pull it off, although Holtz and now Spurrier have seen the Williams-Brice goalposts tumble at least once. There is a line where on-field talent can't be overcome no matter how raucous the student section may be, which was apparent after the 2005 Arizona State-USC game after Reggie Bush went hogwild rushing for what feels like several thousand yards in the second half. Friends have attested to the aforementioned electric atmosphere that day, but those in attendance weren't able to sustain the mayhem in the 100+ segree heat after the Trojans scored their first touchdown.

Summing up, crowds CAN win college football games. here's a recipe for a successful upset:

1) The teams have to be marginally comparable in talent. No matter how many diehards show up or how motivated the team is, FIU will never beat Miami. We can't break the laws of nature, no matter how many beer bongs we did in the parking lot.

2) There should be an unspoken concensus that it is the biggest game at _______ Stadium since ________, possibly ever. This wil vary based on the program-in-question's stature. Last night, is was the fact that Rutgers was nationally televised and playing a top 5 team. Most teams in the SEC encounter this situation at least once a year, but it's not that big of a departure from their sense of normalcy.

3) Night games significantly help, especially non-Saturday nights. The three aforementioned games: ASU-NU, FSU-UVa, and RU-Louisville were all Thursday night games. The goofy schedule makes it stand out as a big deal, thereby sparking interest. The late kickoff provides plenty of extra time around the keg, adding fuel to the already frenzied fire.

4) Something has to be at stake. It can be national ranking, a bowl berth, saving a coach's job, or simply pride and respect. The players have to have internal motivation to play at a high level, and once they reach that point the crowd has the ability to kick them into another gear they probably didn't know they had. There is a great story about that ASU-Nebraska game when the ASU team bus pulled into the parking lot of Sun Devil Stadium coming back from a pre-game meal. The space where the bus typically parked was filled with red-clad tailgaters talking smack and throwing things at the bus. Pat Tillman had to be physically restrained from leaving the bus and whipping ass (totally true story) and by many accounts that was when the team sensed something brewing within themselves. Add chip on the shoulder from the national ignorance of the team's existance and voila!- 19-0, bitches.

Labels: anecdotal evidence, ASU alumni, drugs, regular old crackers

On the road, no less.

Here's a link since I'm sure the picture will suck.

I'm not really all that interested in how the Devils play this Saturday against Washington State. The following week's matchup against UCLA doesn't really entice me all that much either. There is only one goal left for the 2006 ASU football season, and it has nothing to do with a bowl. Defeat UA in Tucson. Nothing more, nothing less.

In good news, Rudy Fucking Burgess may be moved back to wide receiver after injuries to Nate Kimbrough and Mike Jones occurred on Saturday, not to mention ANOTHER suspension of flanker Jamaal Lewis. All of a sudden ASU is thinner at WR than they are at corner. Please do not search the tHOH archives to see how stupid predictions of this unit were.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, message board nonsense, rivalry rants, Rudy Fucking Burgess, thug life, UA morons

I, like OSU quarterback Matt Moore, recognize what an easy target Keno Walter-White is.

My thoughts on today's transactions have been summed up in one short statement by a man calling himself "Jeddevil." You'll see it on the banner of the blog page until ASU wins or U of A loses. Sadly enough, I'm not even sure when that's going to happen. Ok that's total BS, the kitties will lose to Cal next week. The point is, not much more could have gone wrong today. Let's see how my favorite teams fared today:

1) ASU- loses 44-10 to Oregon State, more on that later.
2) Washington State (aka whoever's playing U of A)- loses by 10 to a team that has a moral victory when they reach positive rushing yards.
3) Florida State- Wins convincingly, against a team I despise no less. A sunny spot in an otherwise cloudy day.

4) Oklahoma- Wins, but taken to the wire and nearly Bomar'd themselves (again) with a timeout that occured a split second before a converted 4th and inches on their OWN 30 yard line with a one point lead and 90 seconds remaining. Maybe he really is related to the bumbling Tucson counterpart (or Dirk).

It's gotten so bad on the homefront that they're selling t-shirts online now. Quite witty indeed, and I'll follow that up with the obligatory post-loss link to BenchKoetter.com. Lo and behold, it has spawned! two websites for the same cause, now we need to start the buyout slush fund. I got ten bucks! I'd also like to call shotgun as the conductor of the "Hire Butch Davis Express." Remember the sales pitch from when I was screaming for us to dump Dirk and go after Spurrier:

1) Warm climate
2) Sunshine/world class golf 360 days a year
3) Athletic talent available, simply unmotivated
4) Fishing at nearby lake Apache
5) Easily dominated in-state rival
6) Big school, great facilities

You have to lure the good ol' boys out west somehow. I have, however, found a solution for all of this nastiness. they sell it at Target and other retailers, and you've probably seen it- it's the bucket-o-cocktail that needs nothing more than a bottle of vodka and a few hours in the freezer. If you use a liter instead of a fifth, it makes for a whopping good time. Wheee!

***randon fun nugget! Best gameday sign: a Texas A&M student had one that read "Pop your Collar For Adrian Peterson!" Brilliant minds in College Station, even if karma dictated their loss today.

Labels: Dirk's a horse's ass, I'm witty, message board nonsense, regular old crackers

While much has been made of ASU defensive back Jeremy Payton's game against his Beaver brother today, this is absolutely priceless.

JUDGE JUDY Spoiler Alert!!!
Wait for the television show to hear about the Judge Judy ruling on the case that involved OSU football players Adam Speer and Bryan Payton if you like.

But why wait if you don't have to wait?

Speer was awarded $1,500 in damages from civilian/student Ben Arends, who allegedly punched dents into Speer’s car. It was ruled that Payton, who assaulted Arends after witnessing the vehicle being damaged, had no right to hit Arends and must help pay his medical bills.

-by John Cazano, an OregonLive! Blogger

Dude was on Judge Judy and NOBODY in Tempe knew about it. I looked long and hard on YouTube for a clip but to no avail. You know, maybe I shouldn't talk smack considering ASU's sketchy legal history.

Go Devils!! Lick the Beavers!

Labels: blog links, Pac-10 business, thug life

At halftime of the Air Force/Army game, President George W. Bush called the AFA locker room and spoke to head coach Fisher DeBerry. While the actual conversation is unknown due to Jack Bauer-types of anti-bugging technology, reliable sources have informed tHOH of roughly what was said. Enjoy this last post, as Secret Service agents are undoubtedly outside of my front door right now...

Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, this is the president speaking.

DeBerry: I'm honored! Are you calling to congratulate the team on their impressive first half?

Dubya: No. It seems that our soldiers in Iraq, predominantly army soldiers, are incredibly disheartened and desertions are at an all-time high. For the sake of national defense and our fight against terrorism, call of the boys. Give the Cadets a few easy ones, and at least make the folks in Vegas turn the game back on. I mean, this is really embarassing for West Point.

DeBerry: Uhhh... who is this? That you Bill? You crazy sumbitch, I'm trying to coach here! Pulling my crank like that, who the he-

Dubya: Mr. DeBerry, I assure you that this IS the president. Look outside of your window right.......now! [at this moment, a UFO comes out of nowhere to blow an F-18 Tomcat out of the sky]

DeBerry: Holy shit! Errr, ummm, uhhhh, my sincerest apologies SIR!

Dubya: No need for all that fancy stuff there, just ease it up a bit, Fisher.

DeBerry: SIR YES SIR! [both hang up] Fuckin' Yalie daddy's boy. He hasn't seen any war time since Laura went on prozac.

Apologies for all of this, but this game is boring as shit, and the blowout last night between two "top five" teams didn't help. I should have gone out drinking instead, but I actually need to be "productive" tomorrow morning. Fucking responsibilities. Wow, Army scored. Now it's 43-7 with under 2 to go. Any chance they try to pull an onside kick? Pussies. Hopefully more to come tomorrow, but the schedule isn't looking too bright considering College Gameday is in College Station for Texas A&M/Oklahoma and Chris Fowler is taking the week off (for the first time in 16 years) to do horse racing commentary. I need you tomorrow, LSU/Tennessee!

Are you not entertained?!

Labels: anecdotal evidence, I'm witty, regular old crackers

Author's note: The "add photo" function on Blogger is a steaming heap of shit, but here's a link to a cool halloween picture. Enjoy!

There are reasons you don't go to bars on Tuesday nights, of this I am sure. Problem is I wasn't so sure of it last night and I am subsequently feeling undelicious at work today. The wit today is about as sharp as a bowling ball, so I'll leave it to the experts.

Michigan Zone has reported a fantastic, hate-filled rivalry story about the tragically uncool Red Hot Chili Peppers. Remember them? They were a cutting edge punk band that innovated the eventually annoying rock/rap genre, but now all they put out are sad bastard songs, most of which seem to refer to their home state of California. They are the top nominees for artists that need to get back on the junk immediately; maybe George Clinton and Willie Nelson should open for them. As a wiser man than myself once said, "should a formerly great artist be punished for his latter-day sins? Is it better to burn out than fade away?" Pardon the aside, and now back to the story. Drummer Chad Smith (allegedly a Michigan native) appeared on stage at a Columbus concert sporting a Wolverine jersey and the band was booed. They then opened the set with Michigan fight song Hail to the Victors, a move that has led to at least one local radio station banning their music. Anti-Buckeye works for me almost any day of the week, but the fact that they knew the fight song of the town's rival is wholly rock and fucking roll and could only happen in the arena of college rivalry. Bravissimo!


Note to Keidis, et. al.: this is what a rock band should sound like.

More props to M-Zone for being on fire this week with their head coach halloween costumes. Spot on, gentlemen.

Labels: blog links, drugs, message board nonsense, movie references, regular old crackers, rivalry rants

Ward, don't you think you were a bit hard on the beaver last night?

ASU is playing a team on halloween week that wears orange and black, isn't that fun. I don't know much about the Beavs yet, but I'm working on it. It's hard to get good results when your research consists of pissing matches like this one. Here's what I know based on previous experiences of ASU whipping up on them:

* Matt Moore is Sam-Kelleresque when he's on, and I mean that in a really
good way. Confident, bold, and a rifle of an arm. When he's off, however, he looks like a post-bender Ryan Kealy. The guy is a freaking time bomb that can (hopefully will) transform into an interception machine at any given moment. Heads up, Josh.

* TE Joe Newton is top notch. OSU wouldn't trade him for any tight end in the country, and ASU wouldn't trade the obviously superior Zach Miller (some sarcasm, but really true) for Newton. Should be fun.

* Even though they miss graduated WR Mike Haas, they still have reliable wideouts led by Anthony Wheat-Brown, a guy who seems like he's played there for seven years or so.

* Yvenson Bernard is a truck of a running back and will return Saturday against the Devils, even though the Beavers didn't need him to beat USC. If you're not familiar with Bernard, just think of Oregon State alum Stephen Jackson (dreads and everything) but a wee bit slower.

I totally can't tell them apart, but I guess that's why they wear numbers on their shirts.

OSU didn't play four solid quarters and still beat the Trojans. ASU better bring their "A" game. Attempts at being more in-depth are forthcoming...

Labels: I'm witty, message board nonsense